Chapter Three

 What kind of a pull he has on me I have no idea…

I stood there, on the very same spot where I stood when he called out my name, still not letting go off Mia's arm as that was the only way for me to realize that this was the reality. And right now, reality was scaring me…

The faint murmur that prevailed behind the microphone as I stood there, increased as two other voices started to speak. I realized that one of the two voices was as excited as Rocky's was. The other on however threw dismay in every word it uttered. It wasn't hard for me to guess who that was. It was not something that was new.

I still recall the hatred I experienced the first time I came across him…I guess much hasn't changed after all.

'Are you kidding me? I didn't sign up for this!' Deke's voice was rusty and as mature as I imagined it would be. He always had the edge to his voice.

'Look! You don't matter to her anymore than she matters to you!' I heard Rocky's voice trying to convince him. 'So just shut your yap and follow us!'

'If she doesn't matter to me…why would I do that?'

'Because she matters to me!' I saw Rocky's face as he spoke those words. It was completely focused and very much strong about the feelings he held for me.

Do I deserve it though?

'Why didn't you tell me that you knew them already??!!' Mia's voice suddenly bought the chills to me. The last thing I would want to do to her would be to irritate her!

'I would've told you but I didn't know that they were the band you were going on about!' I was honest with my answer as I saw all three of them making their way towards me.

The crowd was now scattered and pretty distracted. It had also gone down as the time was reaching to half past ten. Other than hard core party goers, the public seemed to have found their way home. Their steps were approaching me and my heart had nothing to do but to beat its fastest in a long time.

Rocky was leading the way followed by Sean and then Deacon. His eyes were as innocent as ever and Sean seemed to have developed a very good physique considering the fact that he was the thinnest of the three when I last saw them. On Deke's case, he seemed really smart. His face would be perfect if it adorned a smile…which is something that I won't get to see.

'I think I'll give the four of you a moment…' Mia made her way out of my clutch and moved away from me as they joined me.

I stood there, once again, speechless. I haven't been this lost for words as long as I can remember. On the other hand I have to agree that I did anticipate this moment for a long time and for what I had allowed to happen none of my crafted speech talents would rally round me. All I could manage was…

'Hi!' I managed my best smile and the best voice I could.

Rocky took a deep breath and stared quietly at me. He rolled his eyes and put his head down, trying to get over my very asinine behavior. I slipped my hands into my pocket as deeply as I could. I do that all the time whenever I'm nervous. This moment was beyond nervous. As much as I would have to disappear from there, I wanted to speak to him. He was right there in front of me and I was supposed to run?

'Rocky…I…' I started to drag when he surprised me again!

He pounced forward and hugged me instantly. It was like he was waiting all this while for me to utter his name and then he's confirmed that I was real. His hold was firm and his chest against mine felt warm. He put his arms around my waist, tunneling through the space my hands had made because of my gesture and locked it perfectly, not allowing me to suffocate and just allowing me to feel all the care and desperation he was feeling. He was now here holding onto me like he'd lose his life if he'd let go and I was there, my hands still stuffed inside my pockets refusing to come out!

He let go off me slowly, taking a few steps behind looking at me with such apprehension thinking over the fact that I just didn't reciprocate the concern he'd shown for me. I stood there, fighting all the tears that were desperately fighting to get out my eyes.

'So…Ayu…' Sean began, trying to break the ice 'How have you been?'

'Hmmm…not too shabby. I am alive!' I laughed nervously at my own desperate joke trying to cheer up the situation reeking with awkwardness. Sean returned my effort with a faint smile. Deke was not even mentally in the vicinity and Rocky was still killing me with his stare. I was not ready for this at all and I decided to let myself get it all out.

'Guys…I'm sorry! If I'm not acting right the reason is because I am the one guilty here. I have no right to stand before you and speak as equals. I have been a terrible friend and I don't think I deserve this respect from you.'

'Sensible at last eh? It took nine years of separation for you to understand that we didn't need you?' Deke started to spat his reprisal.

'Deke!' Sean and Rocky gave him the worst stares they could manage that shut him up instantly like old times.

'I didn't know that still worked…' I smiled at the fact that nothing has changed between them till now.

'Some things are meant to be left the same way…' Rocky spoke slowly.

'Then I guess that you are still forgiving beyond the wildest imagination…' I replied slowly trying to match his ambiance.

He looked up and gave me the look…'The LOOK'. The only look that I fall terribly for every time. I narrowed my eyes and looked pathetic trying to get that one forgiving gesture I've been longing for…

'Where did you run off nine years ago??' he asked slowly.

The forgiveness that I've longed for…for nine years!

I just understood that he had forgiven me, but I also understood that I will not be able to answer this one question that I knew for sure would be asked. I didn't know what I had to do next but I knew one thing for sure….it was not the time for the truth.

'Let's just say that school was not my kind of place…' I dragged under my breath.

'But you didn't leave from school…You…' If I knew Rocky then he was not going to drop this topic until I would confess. But if I knew Rocky, then I know how to stop him too…momentarily 

'Can we not revisit please?!' I raised my voice just enough for him to close the lips that were open to utter the next work that would douse me with more guilt. 'I am really fighting to forget that day completely. Revisiting is not a plausible solution…'

'You know what?' Sean began 'Ayu is right. Let's not dig the past, now that our present is perfect.'

Sean has been this one person who always knew how to ease out a situation, especially a situation that deals with me. Since childhood, I was either draped with Rocky's care or engrossed in Deke's hatred. Whenever I felt like suffocating, Sean would be my savior.

Just as I smiled at Sean mimicking my thanks, Rocky took a deep breath. It usually a sign for us to understand that he is agreeing to drop a certain topic of interest. Feeling relieved on the inside for the moment, the demented mind of mine started to plan for a situation so that this would be the first and last reunion that we would have.

Situations…I word I've hated by now!!!

Speaking of situations, one raised almost instantly.

'Who's up for some treats??' Mia called from the snack counter.

 'That would be my friend and your biggest fan, Mia Sanders.' I introduced her, making it a situation for me to distract the attention away from me.

'Oh…we have fans??' Deke was suddenly interested in the stuff I spoke of.

'Girls…his only motivation' Sean explained the reason noticing my confusion.

'Kind of a ladies' man, huh?'

"At least he claims so…'

As Sean and I were starting off a light conversation, I noticed Rocky keeping a slow pace behind us. His head was down and he was dragging his feet while he was walking. That moment it struck me. Something that I thought was impossible to happen ever. I was not able to tell what he was thinking at the moment. I didn't know what Rocky was thinking. Something I thought was impossible to happen ever.

'Sean…what's going on?'

A familiar face confronted the both of us. She was visibly agitated and completely awkward by my presence next to Sean. Her gaze spelled jealousy all over it but a corner of her eyes held a hope that this was nothing serious. What surprised me was not the gaze but the person herself.

'Clarence?'

'You know her?' apparently I wasn't the only one surprised now.

'She goes to college with Mia. I've spoken to her a couple of times that is all. I don't know her so much on a personal level.' I clarified.

'You will get to know her more soon enough. Clarence is my girlfriend!'

He slipped his hand around her waist and pulled her even closer as he uttered the word 'girlfriend'. I saw the sense of proud and his happiness radiating all over his body and especially his eyes were filled with happiness. I was standing there, still struck by awe when I decided I should react.

'Sean…this is amazing! I'm so happy for you!' I turned my gaze towards Claire 'And you are one lucky person you know?'

'I know…I sure am!' she was glowing when she said that. She looked into his eyes as she was smiling with all her heart as if she has finally found the one.

'I didn't know that you knew her, Sean. You've never mentioned about her to me. She was right next to me all the time.' Clarence was actually confused about the situation.

'Long story that one. It'll take more than a day to explain.' Sean gushed sheepishly at the ignorance.

'Well in that case, leave it for the while. Dad's here. He wishes to see you. That's why I came along.'

'Oh…I got to go. I'll be back. Till then Rocky will take care of you.'

Oh oh…

'Sean…' I whispered in desperation 'You are leaving in the worst of situations. I need you!'

'I understand but this is my future. I have to meet him. Please bear with me, sweetheart!'

He sugars his words exactly the way someone could feel flattered.

'Fine…' I continued still whispering 'You better come back soon!'

He flashed one of his perfect smiles and walked off with Clarence. I was standing there, my back still at Rocky's face, searching for a desperate escape route. Mia has always been a savior for me in every situation when I've felt lost. Now though I spotted her with Deke at the counter, having the conversation of her life. I sighed so hard, I swear Rocky would have heard it.

'Are you going to turn around or show you back to me the entire night?'

He has a way with his words too. The whole Harrow family floors me with their words! I slowly turned around, my head a little down, trying so hard not to show my face to him. The sense of guilt is the only thing I hate to the core!

'What? Now your face is off limits too?'

'Rocky…don't!' I looked up immediately, as soon as he started speaking again. 'Let's just keep it normal. Please…'

'You don't want me to speak about your AWOL of nine years?' he asked me in a tone hinting the impossibility.

'Yes…for our sake!' I stressed it perfectly. 'I want things to be okay between us. I am also certain that this particular conversation would ruin it completely for us! Let's just be casual.'

He stood there watching me pleading about changing the one topic that's been bothering him for nine years. It was a tough call. I wanted him to do what he cannot stop thinking about not for this moment but for his entire life time. But I am going to play the care he has for me against him just for his sake.

And then he let out the sigh that I've been waiting to hear.

'Come on…let's sit and talk' he held out his hand for me like a perfect gentleman, wanting to escort me to the seat.

Anticipation took over my body once again and I kept wondering why. He's my friend, the only one who's always been there for me. I've held his hand like a million times before. Although, I still remember how it was the first time I did so.

August 9^th, 1999

It was just over a week since I said yes to move into the magnificent Harrow Mansion and it had already created enough buzz around the colony. Now every kid who'd ignored my presence found it so intimidating to be in my vicinity. Many girls wondered what the brothers' saw in me that was not found in them. Every pair of eyes that delinquently criticized me was now immersed in awe and jealousy as it was finally I who got rub shoulders with the 'Royal' family of Canary Island.

I was still in my lonely little shack that I had put together with the help of Sister Benn. None of the kids wanted me in their own place and besides it was already full. In the beginning though, I loved the lone air that I owned. Who knew my own decision will turn into my slow poison?

I was half packed and half unorganized about the situation. I didn't know in my heart exactly if this was right. Their grandfather was the only friend I had and he was sweet enough to make sure that he'd leave behind some friends for me. What bothered me though was the fact that it was his last wish. Is it by any chance that these friends are doing this by their own wish?

As thoughts comfortably circled my head creating discomfort for me, there was a knock on my door.

'May I come in?' it was Rocky with his charm all drooping over him. I still wonder what makes his presence so special in my life.

'Of course…please.' I welcomed him with a nervous voice as I almost knew the reason for his visit.

When he told me that I can move anytime I want, I felt as if it was a breather for me. I thought maybe I'll delay it enough so that he'll hate me enough not to bother about thinking about me anymore. I was scared if I would disrupt their family's equilibrium. I may need a friend but I'd rather be alone than destroy a family. His gaze was fixed upon me and it was intimidating as much as I didn't want to.

'I can tell that you know why I am here…' he startled me with the way he started the conversation. He just seems too smart to be a ten year old. Then again, with this vivid memory at ten…I myself am a freak.

'About the move…' I dragged still unsure of what to talk after that.

'I still tell you that you have all the time you need to move into our place. It's open. I'm really glad that you accepted. It made me very happy.'

I put my head down immediately as soon as he uttered those words. The disappointment that I may give him by denying it now was ripping me apart. I put my head down a little hinting the situation I my just create. I think that was enough for him to understand.

'You're not backing out are you?' he stuttered those words as it fell out of his mouth.

'Well…I…am…' I was stuttering even more as guilt caught my throat.

'You can tell me you know, if anything is bothering you. I can fix it!' he started to sound desperate and I couldn't hold it all in anymore.

'I'm just worried it might turn into something that you will not be able to fix!' I raised my voice by instinct, trying to justify a valid point.

'I don't get you.' Finally he assured that he was a ten year after all.

'Is this decision of asking me move into your home was just your grandpa's or was it you three?' I laid down the question as politely and soft as possible. He was visibly caught off guard by the question and took a deep breath to contain himself.

'Why ask such a question?' he wasn't able to believe his ears.

'I don't want to be a tag along. I want for you to really want me there. It shouldn't be something your grandpa put upon you. There is no pressure you know. I you don't want to be friends, I'd understand. I also understand you fearing that you may not be able to fulfill your grandpa's final wish but it shouldn't lead to a bitter end.'

'Are you done yet?' he asked as coolly as possible. After all the stuff that I had uttered, he hadn't been shaken as much.

'Well…' was all that I could manage.

'Our grandpa was sweet enough to let us know you for the sweet person you are. He told us to be friends with you not ask us to make you move in with us.'

'I know that. What if this whole moving in thing was done because if what he said? To be friends with me wasn't an option for you but like a pressure now.'

'If there is one thing that influences my life…it is my heart. I am the one who made the decision and I did it so as to know you more and keep you close.'

I immediately looked up as he expressed those last words. They were warm and full of concern. It struck me hard…real hard.

'What about your brothers?' I just then found myself getting interested in this whole pitch.

'Sean is always up for a new family. Deke…don't mind him. He tries to dominate but never makes it. You'll laugh at him as time passes.'

Though he uttered about seven to eight words after that, one word held me right there.

'Family…' I found myself repeating inside me.

'It is all there waiting for you…you just have to take it!'

He held his hand out for me to take it in acceptance of his proposal. His idea of a family was the only wish I always had. The only thing that was stopping me was me. For all I knew was that I should just go for it for that was my heart wanted but my mind, being truthful to its job, kept me showing the perils.

'Erase the questions…take it!' he whispered quietly making it completely clear for me.

And that is when I held his hand…for the first time.

Chapter Two

The glance never left me…and it was killing me!

He kept looking at me, as if he blinks, the very next moment I may vanish off his sight.

'Do it, please! I'll just vanish off!'

I silently stood there, wishing and regretting within that I actually let this happen. I was already cursing myself inside my head, but still somewhere within, I was glad. Glad that this happened…

These eyes have always managed to disturb me. Even when my eyes weren't connected with them, I felt it. Right there always, staring into me, tearing me apart with every question that could route directly down to my guilt. But it had been nine years since I felt this stare…and I was ready to do anything for this.

This moment felt exactly like the very first time I experienced this…this stare…his stare!

August 3^rd, 1999

It was only three months since, Mr. Claudius Harrow passed away and his grandson spoke to me. As always, my expectations weren't met with. After that day, that little boy approached me, till today he still hasn't spoken to me. I barely saw him after and I was flustered. I didn't ask for this sudden hope to surge through my veins and disturb me daily now. Feeling like the whole world I built had collapsed; I decided to move on with my life again.

It was a dull august morning and I had been dreading about this day for a while. It was our annual P.E class for the month and this month, we had to run laps. We had a deserted ground that belonged to the church for the past forty years and now it served its purpose as our track and field arena. It was pretty deserted even now with only a pair of poles holding up a worn out net that both the throw ball and us, the volleyball, players shared. I played volleyball and still my team mates don't know my name. I am fondly called as 'The Person'…fondly as I claim so.

The fact that scared me the most was that we were to run 400 meters all around this ground. This ground was small but was exposed to the shinning sun all day. You don't have to be reminded about the Texas sun, do you?? Lately, my dieting habits haven't been very good too. My sorrow seems to have filled my stomach till its gut that I barely have any space to fill it up with food. For these two months, my quota of visits to the nurse's room had raised and right now, for this week it is 4. Yes, 4 out of the 7 days of a week. That was my condition.

According to this ground's measurement, we'll have to do two laps around it. Two laps around in the blazing sun assured me nothing but fatigue or even worse a stroke or paralysis. But, I didn't care anymore…

As always, I was the last to enter the field. All the other students were already there, stretching and warming up for the big race. There were about twelve students, of all ages and sizes. This was a crucial grade for me as to pass and move on or maybe even apply for scholarship; the church has decided to make sure every student is well balanced. My academics are spot on. I already play volleyball and have been fairly good in field games like shot-put. What I have always dreaded is running and today I'll be facing the demon…my demon…!

'All twelve of you are going to run together. The one with the best time will be awarded with the first preference for the scholarship program coming up next week. Now these are the rules…'

The coach was going on about the usual rules and regulations of the game. The weird part is that he has already gone through this a million times. I even noticed a guy mouthing every word the coach was uttering. As I managed a faint smile, it struck me…

It was the weirdest feeling that I have ever felt in all my life, taking into consideration that my life has barely given me a chance to feel anything else but sorrow. It was like someone was focusing with his or her eyes so hard into your brain, trying to read each and every one of your thoughts. I quickly turned around, anticipating if I'd catch the person red handed. I was wrong. I had no idea who it was. They were all familiar faces and I wasn't looking for anyone in particular. I also did not trust my instinct of someone who would even look at me. Every person was concentrating on their own preparation and no one seemed to have noticed me. Dismissing that it was just my imagination, I went up to the start line.

  

'On your marks…Get set…'

The coach's voice echoed in my ears like a faint ring of a bell. The fatigue was already catching up to me. The sun seemed unassumingly merciless today.

'I wish I survive…' I heard myself mutter under my breath, not that anyone cares. Yet, I just wished for it.

'GO!'

The whistle blew right into my senses immediately putting my feet into motion. All of us started to jog slowly, trying to strategize our moves. Jogging in the first would save a hell a lot of energy for the coming up lap. I was maintaining a specific speed, a little ahead of everyone, trying not to meet anyone's eyes and instill awkwardness…for them.

Then, it happened again…

The sensory glands had gone haywire! My brain was working at a pace I'd never be able to recollect to describe. All that I knew were that a pair of eyes was staring at me…keenly.

I turned around to view over my shoulder. All I was able to see was a group of randomly running soon to be or maybe athletes trailing behind me. No way on earth would have I been able to realize who was staring at me. I turned and faced the plain forward and the whole distance I had to cover before losing those pairs of eyes. Suddenly, like a born instinct, my speed increased. I ran faster than I've ever done in my life. It was stupid but I also felt defensive. Unusually the fact of someone noticing me didn't surprise me or gladden me. The way I was feeling right now only made me wish even more that no one should ever notice me.

'Lap 1! Leader-Aysha.'

The announcement of my name didn't matter to me. All I wanted to do was finish this race and get it over with. I also thought for a moment that I'd just run away as soon as I finish the race, far away from my scrutinizer. The pace was inevitable and I kept it up. I also knew that my body would collapse any moment as my heart was beating at such a rate that I would never want to describe anymore. My tongue was dry and dead and my sweat needed no reasons to escape. Yet, in between all of this I found my mind describing the intensity of the stare.

It was not serious. It was soft yet powerful. The stare was meaningful. All that it wanted to do was for me to know its presence and it certainly succeeded. It wanted me to turn around and acknowledge its existence and also wanted me to realize the person who was responsible for its visit into my head. I knew that it carried a lot of care. The fact that freaked me out is that care has visited me suddenly and from someone I probably don't know.

'Finish! Winner –Aysha!'

The race was complete and yet I was running. Running with the same speed that I was running to escape. Now I didn't want to escape. I wanted to stop, turn around and meet the gaze that's been haunting me. I wanted to acknowledge it. But now I was fading away…

My legs refused to stop but my heart was already willing to do so.

'Aysha! Stop!'

I heard the coach yell my name, commanding me to stop. I wish I could, I thought to myself. I let my legs move for I knew its final moments were this. I was surely going to die.

Who are you? Why are you staring at me? Show yourself! Please…

Those were my final thoughts before my legs gave up and my face hit the hot ground below. The impact was nowhere close to the way my heart was beating at the moment. The end had arrived and in fashion.

'She's down!!!' I heard a female voice shriek about my fall and a sudden stampede echoed inside my barely alive ears.

'Get some help! She needs it!' a familiar voice filled my senses and it was next to me. Whoever the person was, they were kneeling beside me.

'Hang on…' the voice was now pleading me now. 'Please stay with me…'

All I could manage was the only realization of the fact that the stare had now come close to me and it belonged to this person…this guy now next to me. The rest was blank.

Heaven was exactly as I was told so. The place where I lied right now was really soft and the air was soothing. My heart was at peace and it was just even more put to ease by the music that escaped the strings of the guitar. My eyes were closed. I didn't want to open it yet. All that I had had in my life were a lonely ten years. No one knows who I was and now all I will be referred to as, if referred to will be as 'She was here.' It was a faint moment but the only happy memory was the day when I was noticed by that charming boy of my age, who respected my feelings when no one did. That boy named…

'Rocky!' a male voice called his name out.

The music stopped. The air suddenly shifted its place to a slow breeze making me feel my sweat. The ground I was lying down felt like cotton stuffed underneath me and my head hurt.

I didn't know I could feel after death…

Now I felt something that shocked me even more. The stare was back and now very close to me. Now I knew, was exactly the time for me to open my eyes. And I did.

'How am I supposed to leave her like this?' I saw Rocky speaking to one of his brothers, sitting next to me, holding a guitar and staring at me.  

My sudden awakening startled them both. I drifted my focus to the other person in the room and found that it was Sean, the elder of the three. He silently moved out of the room, like he was trying not to scare me with his unannounced presence. Actually, my whole situation seemed very unlikely. I am inside the Harrow mansion let alone the fact that I am alive. 

I shifted my position a little so that I may get up and sit. It was like a reflex action for him, as Rocky slid himself beside me, helping me to sit up.

'Thanks…' I managed faintly.

'Don't mention…' he dragged.

Despite the warm hospitality and all the concern, my head couldn't shake of the fact that it had been his stare that had disturbed me so much all along the run. The next fact that bothered me at the moment was…why would he stare at me????

'Are you okay???' he finally broke the ice by speaking the first words we'd spoken in ten minutes since I woke up.

'I am not sure what happened…' I dragged slowly.

As I spoke, I felt a slight sting near my cheek bones, mostly from my devastating hit to the earth below.

'You fainted. Fatigue got to you. The nurse says you'll be okay if you would just eat properly.'

He politely replied but bit his lips at the end of the sentence. It seemed like he wanted to ask me something and then he stopped thinking that it may seem not too right on his part to ask me that. I saw his momentary struggle pass as he held his breath to utter the words.

'Why weren't you eating properly?'

A sweet sense of concern, an arrogant attitude of authority and a slight hope hinting his desperation hit my ears as he asked the question.

'I…I didn't…' I chocked after every word I tried to utter. I was ridden with guilt, surprisingly when asked by a third person.

'I am sorry…' again his words caught me off guard. He didn't cease to surprise me.

'And why would that be?' I asked with the loudest voice I could possibly manage.

'I didn't want to freak you out with my question but I really do care about your health.'

His concern startled me. He never took his eyes off of me and his breath was really agitated. He was seriously anticipating that he had hurt me.

Until then I hadn't realized that this was a conversation between two ten year olds…

'I'm not impressed by this, especially when it is coming from someone who never spoke to me after an introduction. That was really rude. If you didn't want to make friends then why try?'

It just came out…just like that. I didn't mean to hurt him or avoid him. It was just the frustration that was blocking my head opened up. Now his face went small and it seemed guilt ridden. Even though my sudden question had bothered him wildly, he gathered strength to give me my answer.

'I wanted to surprise you…' he dragged under his breath.

'Surprise me?' the amazement was inevitable and he had felt it.

Now he was smiling…

'Would you move into our home with us?'

Eyes widened with astonishment, I sat there, waiting for my mind to decide I heard his voice the first time…

'Move in with us? Are you insane?!' a new voice, that I still hadn't gotten a chance to listen to blurted its way through my ear that was still pretty shaken by the question that Rocky had put forward for me.

'I see that there is opposition…' I dragged slowly hoping that this will be my cue to escape.

'That is not opposition…that is just showing off!' Rocky's voice went tough all of a sudden. It seemed like he'd already planned it and this has been a scenario experienced before.

'I can still hear you Rocky!!!' the voice yelled more. I swear I felt my heart beat rise.

'Deke…he's family. We have to give and take in a family dude!' a much subtle and serene voice took over.

'Sean…I know that he is family. Who is she to interrupt our lives?' his voice held onto its rage as every word he spoke was being burned into my memory.

'You come with me now!' Sean had pulled Deke away.

'Ignore Deke. Please…' Rocky finally spoke, breaking my perplexity.

'I think I should leave…' I dragged slowly.

'No! I really want you to stay with us…' Rocky stood up from beside me, trying to attempt and stop my exit.

'Why do you want just me? Why don't you want any other kid here?' I had to agree…I was curious.

'Because you were my grandfather's last wish…' I still couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth.

'What?' that was all I could manage at that moment.

'The previous night of his death I was playing the guitar for him when started to speak about you to me. He mentioned that you were alone and needed a friend. I'll be honest with you; I had absolutely no idea who you were. But then what my grandfather stated about you was very much fascinating. He requested that I'd be your friend. I didn't know your worth then but I do now. You were the last thing my grandpa wanted me to have and I take it seriously. This is his room. It's yours if you decide to move in. This is not an offer but a plea. The rest is up to you.'

I met his eyes that had already welled up with tears. To even know that Mr. Harrow had spoken about me made me feel special. It was then I decided…saying yes would be the least thing I would do for him.

And so I did… 

The final beat dropped hard and it blared through the speaker that I was standing next to. It brought me back to my senses, only to realize that the show was over. Applause filled the room and I was entrapped between a wave of thunderous claps and a discriminating look from the only eyes that disturb me.

'Ayu…?? AYU!!!!' a familiar voice echoed in my ear amongst the crowd's chatter. Mia had come to find me.

'Ayu?? What are you doing here????' her voice tried to beat the crowd around and reached my ear as a feeble query.

My eyes were locked upon him…HIM. I never thought he'd be back in my life and exactly when I didn't want him to. I didn't know what I was going to do about this but I knew this. I had to leave and now!

'Let's go, Mia!' I grabbed her hand and pulled her forward as much as my body could pull. It didn't seem such a hard task as Mia was of course, caught off guard and she eventually tagged along.

'Ayu…what is wrong with you?' her question was sensible but not significant enough for me at this moment…not now.

As I took another step towards the clearly marked exit, the unexpected struck me again.

'Ayu…' a familiar yet very intense and mesmerizing voice filled the hall all of sudden, echoing my name.

I halted that very moment, still holding Mia's hand as firmly as possible, waiting for that voice to continue more so that my mind would change.

'If you take another step…you'll regret it!' he breathed those last three words slowly for his breath echoing through the speakers took my breath away…

'Ayu…' Mia called me now

I turned slowly, trying to fight my tears of joy and faced a somewhat bewildered Mia.

'Did Rocky Harrow just know your name??'

Rocky Harrow…a person who knows more about me…more than anyone would know.

Mia had no idea…

  

Chapter One

'I still don't know why I even pay these employees of mine.' The owner of the club 'Hit', Kelly, had a really valuable reason to be pissed off. 'I open in like ten minutes and the whole place looks like a wreck! The sweepers do not know what their jobs really even mean!'

She kept grabbing bits of tissues and dumping them in the garbage bag along with the other beer tins and rolled over vodka bottles.

'Thank god, they are disposable!' she sighed as she removed yet another water bottle from the floor. 'What do they even do in there all day?'

Dumping the garbage bag nearby the other bags already piled up in a corner, Kelly went behind the counter, walking towards another area that kind of looked quaint and dark. It was just a small pathway that leads to a single room at the end of it. The whole pathway was dimly lit but enough for a person not to be denied proper eyesight. She walked with such alacrity; she reached the room sooner than it would take. Squeezing the handle of the door she opened it with a wild force that startled of both of us who were already sunk inside our individual copies of The Hamlet.

Kelly had come to find me…

'Aysha! What do you think you are doing here?' Kelly's voice blared through my ears. She had a really base voice but it did have a shrill effect to it in the end. It always hits you when you don't want it to.

'Practically what I do everyday. Trying to read before we open.' I explained patiently. For some reason I am not able to squeak or yell on top of my voice.

'I know what you do and I allow you to do it as I know how knowing all this helps you. But the job you do doesn't speak for itself. You agreed to sweep the floor completely and the mess out there tonight was despicable! I just swept and picked up every bit of trash that just messed up my place. You have to give me the one satisfaction, the one reason for which I pay you!'

'Actually, the culprit is here.' I found myself pointing in front of me.

'Mia?' Kelly was surprised.

'It was her shift today. That is why I dug deeper into Hamlet. When she joined me in reading, I was impressed that she had actually finished cleaning. Now I see the end result and I take back my awe!'

'Mia…I am so disappointed!' Kelly folded her hands and leaned on the door. She always gives that stance when she is really, really…disappointed.    

'Kelly, my jelly' Mia began her usual sugar coated words 'I was really going to do a great job but this thought kept popping my head and it kept disrupting my work!'

'And what is that? Your grades slipping down casually?' Kelly changed the tone of her voice something a little tougher.

'NO! Not at all…' Mia dragged 'I am completely innocent. Those grades are honestly biased! There is a conspiracy against me at my college!'

'Oh yeah? Tell that to someone who is five and who doesn't know the meaning of the word conspiracy. I'm calling mom!' Kelly started to walk off in rage.

'Oh my dear sister!' Mia started to run behind her, following, trying to stop her sister from making the call.

The way they treat each other seemingly sometimes leads me to forget that they are in fact sisters. Kelly and Mia Sanders are the perfect set of opposites you may find in a sisterhood. Kelly, the elder one, owns and runs this club at her own will and sufferings. Aged 25, she works hard everyday to earn her money so that she can save enough to open up a restaurant where she can show off her culinary skills. While Kelly is the entire responsible one, Mia is the brat. She plays like she is 10 when she is 21 and like today would be the last day she is going to live and never cares about the consequences. Their father had left them and their mother had raised them completely by her own efforts. All that hard work eventually led their mother to have arthritis and now is pretty much dependent on a wheel chair or a pair of crutches. As unique as one can be, these three women always inspire me to become even better.

'Kelly! Don't call mom, please!' Mia made it on time to over take her and block the telephone that hung beside the counter.

'I have to Mia! You are here doing your course on English literature and the grades you get are pathetic! At least for your caliber. I shouldn't have allowed you to work here at the first place. All this is distracting your studies very badly!'

'I understand your concern, Kelly. But it's not the job that is distracting me. It is the fact that I am finding a mere course in English literature would be hard for me. You know how I feel when I think that I can't do something on my own right?'

Kelly knows that Mia has a confidence issue. I've seen it many times myself. Even when the first time she started to help me maintain the club, she felt so anxious about how she was going to do it and eventually had a break down.

'That is not an excuse, Mia!' Kelly dragged, still trying to be tough 'You have to face your issues. Something like this subject shouldn't scare you!'

'I know! This time, I didn't do the cleaning because something else was bothering me!' Mia was trying to justify her act to her sister, when Kelly realized something.

'Hey! Today is not your shift!' Kelly placed both her arms on her hips and turned around me 'Ayu…it's your turn today!'

'I…my…' I hate it when Kelly gives me that stare. A stare completely characterized by authority. I found myself stuttering badly.

'Kelly, it's not her fault!' Mia stepped up for me. 'I made a deal with her.'

'A deal? What kind of a deal?' Kelly now shifted her focus to Mia.

'I promised I'll clean today if she writes my annual essay on The Hamlet.' Mia explained our situation.

'And you agreed?' she asked me, her eyes being filled slowly with disappointment.

'I…I had no choice. You know that I like writing English! And this is The Hamlet! The Hamlet. I wouldn't miss the chance to develop my knowledge…'

Kelly couldn't help but laugh. She kept looking at the both of us and laughing her heart out.

'You must switch lives. You want to clean and be lazy, but you are going to college. Our Ayu wants to go to college, but ends up cleaning here. Irony…it amuses me!'

Irony hurts, I thought. I've always held this onto me. What amuses others hurts you the most. The twisted concept of irony.

'Anyway, let's leave all of this apart. What is that wonderful reason that forced you to restrain your work?'

'The new club is opening across the street. They are offering free food, drinks and entertainment for the opening day event.' Mia started to explain.

'So…that stopped you from working?' Kelly wasn't really catching what Mia was trying to tell her.

'If you haven't noticed yet, its half past seven and not a single customer had come.'

Kelly's eyes opened up with surprise and shock. In this little ordeal, she had completely forgotten the amount of time that had passed and how her club was completely empty.

Being such a small area, of course, all the people would love something free. Besides, she only then realized who owned the club.

'Mr. Dawson is opening up his club. Now, I remember…' Kelly dragged in disappointment.

She had been dreading about this day since they started the total large scale construction just across the street. Confident about the customers wouldn't buy the luxury after a couple of days, Kelly had been sure her business wouldn't tank. Now, she felt a sudden chill down her bone and it was obvious.

'Kelly…' I began 'It's just for one day. That club as I told you is what you call 'High Maintenance'. Our customers will always come to you. Don't worry!' I tried to comfort her.

'As intense as this moment is…' Mia started to talk. I knew exactly what she had in mind and I definitely knew that this was the wrong time to do it!

Don't complete it!! , I thought to myself

'Will it be okay if I go check out the club?' she did…

Kelly's face went even smaller. When she was seated there, dreading that her business would fall apart and that she wouldn't be able to pay back a lot of people and all, Mia was standing there, jumping with joy like a six year old looking forward for her presents on Christmas.

Mia's been going on and on about the opening night for about a week now. She loved the fact that one of the richest people around, Mr. Dawson, chose to build a club in the neighbourhood. What she didn't realize was, even up until now, that it maybe a well crafted route to her sister's downfall. 'They are giving free food…' she kept saying every possible day, obviously when Kelly was around, '…and my favorite band is rumored to play! I have to go, Ayu. It'll be a dream come true.'

As much as she hates English literature, unknowingly it had stuck to her, especially the drama part. She goes on emphasizes stuff that are so trivial with metaphors and phrases that relate to all her fantasies. And now, she may have just broken her sister's heart.

'Mia…' I dragged under my breath, hinting disappointment.

'I'm sorry people. Your expressions are really hurting!' now she started to yell at us, something that we should be doing 'All I wanted to do was go check out the club. Check out our competition. All these months I've been hearing all these excited idiots go on and on about this club and don't you have the slightest bit of curiosity to find out how it is?'

Excited idiots, she says. She was and still is one of them. I am sure her drama club would've been so much proud of Mia, if she had enrolled herself. What an asset she would've been. But still, it was our competition…checking it out would be fine.

'Okay…' Kelly began, sighing hard 'You may go. Check out our "competition"! But on one condition, back here by ten!'

Delighted as much as she can get, Mia hugged Kelly tightly and kissed her 'Oh Kelly, thank you!'

'And…take Ayu with you. She'd be a better judge than you would ever be.' Kelly said as he let go of Mia's grip.

'Sure, I'll just go get my coat!' and so Mia vanished into the path behind the counter.

'How are you able to do this?' I couldn't control my urge but to ask 'You are scared that the new club may consume you and you let your sister have fun at the same place?'

Kelly gave me a faint smile and sat beside me. 'Sometimes, you'll fear about so many things; it maybe life changing or even something trivial that would not affect your life at all. But all along, you can be sure of one thing. Your family will be there forever. Just because you are scared about the future, you needn't miss the present and its fun. Mia is eccentric and funny but always will be family. Her smile today matters for me more than the amount of money I'd be banking tomorrow. Life is bliss as long as you don't change the track. Go ahead and enjoy. Besides, I don't trust Mia. Please, bring her back in one piece.'

'Will do…' all I could manage was that and a faint smile. For some reason, whatever she had just told me, stings me. For some reason? I know exactly for what reason.

'Family will be there forever.' 'Life is bliss as long as you don't change the track.'

What have you done Ayu? Where are you anyway?

My head slowly started to spin with all my memories rushing in at once. I was positive I can't handle it and especially not now. Just before I could drift away, Mia came along just to save me.

'Let's go now if we want to get inside.' She called out handing over my coat to me.

Hold on, Ayu! No regrets! I told myself as we left the club to view our apparent competition.

'I really wouldn't have believed this at all, if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes!'

We were there, standing, just a few feet away from the club and we still couldn't believe what we were witnessing. The queue to get inside the club began and continued up to the end of the intersection across the street.

'You honestly imagined that we would get into this club??' I had to ask Mia again. As far as my head was thinking, getting was impossible!

'Always five steps ahead, Ayu! Always ahead!' Mia was suddenly basking in glory beside me. She did realize that we are not even on the queue yet, right?

'What are you inferring to?' I asked her a little lost.

'My intelligence, of course.' Mia was now faking that accent she picked up during her visit to London. 'I, being the only smart person belonging to the Sanders family, I made some prior arrangements. We just have to tell our names and they will let us in.'

'What arrangements?' the way she was speaking now really scared me.

'I accepted Clarence as my BFF last week.'

As soon as she mentioned the name, I realized who it was. Clarence Dawson, the only daughter of Mr. Ian Dawson. The only heir to all the money they had until now. Both Mia and Clarence go to the same college. Them being friends is not something someone wouldn't believe. What bothers me is the way Mia claims to have made friends with her.

'What do you mean by you accepted her?'

'That is a hilarious story. Clarence has a cousin. Mark Louis is his name. He once dated me and that ended up in a bitter way. He is such a jerk and the way his brain works is notorious. When I heard the Dawson family was going to open a club just across ours and also that Louis was the one who gave the idea, I confronted Clarence and asked for an explanation. I was speculating that maybe Louis is doing this to get back at me.'

'Why would he want to get back at you for just breaking up with him?' I was lost now.

'It ended worse. He actually tried to hurt me physically and that's why I broke up with him. I made the whole college aware of him and also got him suspended for 5 months. He missed a lot on the curriculum.'

'He'd do so much to get back at you?'

'He's rich, he's screwed up. You do the math!' I gave her a bewildered expression. 'Anyway, I confronted her and asked her of she was going to let her cousin ruin my life. To my surprise, she immediately took me alone and started to console me. She claimed that Louis' actions had cost their family name dearly and that both the Dawson and Louis family was going to disown him. This apparent idea for this club had kind of given them an impression that he is getting responsible and is trying to redeem himself. Redeem? My foot! She offered me a free visit to the opening night and a chance to note Louis' actions. If I am not satisfied with it, my word against him to Claire and her word against him in the family. End of story for Louis!'

'That is like the most screwed up story I've ever heard!' I actually was amused by this.

'What am I to do? I dated the devil itself. Obviously, I'll have to deal with the horns!'

'Uh huh…' I just stood there dragging. 'So, you are going let him go off the hook just because you got a free entry into this club?'

'Pretty much…' she keeps shocking me 'When we ended it, I pretty much made it clear that if we both ever crossed lines, it would end only in the court. I would accuse him of abusing me. For the mess his life is in already, the last thing he'd need is a law suit. He'd be kicked out of the university. He'd be a good boy. Let us now enjoy the night while it's young.'

'How are you able to do this?' I stood there, completely awe struck by the other side of Mia.

'You take life as it comes. When you start deciding prematurely or decide just because you were guilty of something, life will for sure suck! Now come on' and so she dragged me towards the club.

Take life as it comes…never plan to decide?

For the past few days, my head found itself in a very awkward situation. The past seems to haunt me more often than ever. They kept coming in my dreams. They kept returning to me in whatever I did and today, both Kelly's and Mia's principles towards life disturbed me. I was so into my head; I barely noticed what Mia spoke to the security outside. All I knew was that I now walking inside the club with Mia constantly dragging me along.

In spite of feeling like my head is in a whirlpool, I did notice the vast area of the club. The main arena was a completely designed dance floor, which was in fact already almost full. The counter that served drinks was situated towards to the right. I could barely see how it looked as it was completely jam packed. The natural consequence of giving free food and drinks. The DJ was obviously rolling on the left. The club was big enough but with all these people inside, cramping up in any free space found made me suffocate even more. The last thing I would want now is my head being bothered, even more than before. And I didn't love it at all.

'Our new friend'

'I thought you could use a hug'

'You were the only one…'

Be strong, Ayu! No regrets! I kept telling myself this but it seemed to be of no use.

Something! Please something save me!

I found myself fighting my tears when Mia's sudden scream next to me, bought me back to reality.

It was a dazed moment. I was alive all this while, but it felt like my eyes hadn't seen nothing else what I saw now. The description I figured out before stayed the same but up on the stage; some new activity was going on. Then I noticed that the DJ had stopped playing and an eerie silence prevailed.

'Ayu, can you believe it?!' Mia was now literally jumping up and down beside me.

'Wh…What?' I was just coming back from my momentary relapse while Mia was there acting crazy, scaring me even more.

'I told you! I told you right! They are here and they are going to play! It is indeed my dream come true!'

When she mentioned the last line, I immediately made the connection. More than the club's opening; this factor was driving Mia crazy for almost a week now. Apparently, her favorite band, W.A.T was rumored to play today. The stage was now being set for them to perform. This band, W.A.T, was not a professional band, not yet, as Mia claims. They play at random clubs all along the country and stream their songs live and make them available for free download over the internet. They had been gaining popularity for a while for their dynamic approach to music, so I've been told. I haven't heard of them or their songs. I am not into music anymore, not after them, no. I wasn't feeling too good standing there either. I just wanted to leave but Kelly wanted me to chaperon Mia.

'I can't believe that I am going to see them perform live!' I noticed that Mia was still in her own fantasy world.

'Mia, I'll just visit the rest room and come back. Hold the fort, will you?' I found myself almost pleading to her not to over react or create a scene.

'I'll try…' she sighed as I left her among the other crazed people now crowding the dance floor.

She better be alive when I return, I thought to myself.

As I made my way in between the enormous crowd that seems to have invaded this club, my head was focused on one factor. The fame of W.A.T. Being an unprofessional band, they have taken the steps to reach out to the people and made their music a path for their success.

I wish they had done something like this, I thought, at least I would've got their music.

I entered the rest room and closed my eyes as an instant reaction for what I saw. There was toilet paper everywhere. Lipsticks, compacts and shoes were found all over. The toilets were all locked and I didn't even want to imagine what was going on inside there. I saw a trace of white powder outlining many areas and empty packets filling the dustbin.

Drugs, I thought, the thing I despise the most!

Almost, not opening my eyes much, I made my way towards the wash basin. I opened the nozzle and let the rush of cold water make its impact on my hands. As weird as it can get, I love the sting of the cold water. It kind of gives me a feeling that I am alive and not dead. That I have feelings and I'm not heartless. I splashed the freezing water onto my face bringing some sensation onto my numb skin. I was helpless, wondering now, what if I was lost in my path.

For the past month or so, my life isn't what it had been. Three years back, when I found Kelly and this job, I thought my life has completely changed somehow. No more skeletons from the closet that I don't own anymore. I was sure, I was confident that my life was slated for a change. But now, recently, I feel trepidation. I dread that some danger may approach me, most importantly, the people around me.

My face wanted more of the freezing water. It needed the sting to think. I splashed even more and felt it was coming back to life. Wiping off the excess of water in my face, I gradually looked at my reflection in the mirror. I had the same face since I remember learning that this was called the face. The maturity had come, the features have grown. Still, I felt no change, conscious wise.

Why weren't you the same? Just why?

As I pulled out a couple of tissues off its holder, I heard a new voice, announcing something.

'And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! The W.A.T!!!!'

The whole place seemed to roar in excitement. The screams were so much, yet I felt like I heard Mia's scream distinctively. I smiled involuntarily at the thought. The music begun in the midst of the screams and slowly, soon enough, the music alone was what I heard.

The song had the beat, the groove that is usually associated to rock n'roll. It also had the funky rhythm that is found in pop. Without my interest, my foot was tapping along with the beat. The next thing that happened was what shocked me, as the song started.

'We had faith that our life will be smooth

But we still cannot stay away from the truth

The things we did together was lonely

All that we did was worry'

I was singing along!

'We have to keep going on

We had the helping hand when we were alone

Right now, we see the light

This all happened because…'

Now I was running! Running outside the rest room, running past all the drunken idiots and crazy fans. I ran as I kept singing along with three other voices that were in perfect harmony.

'We are living

We are laughing

We are going to shine

We are rising

And not falling

We are going to be fine

We are three

We will be free

And the pleasure will last tonight

This is all thanks to our

Trying times!'

I stopped, I finally stopped halfway. I couldn't run anymore. I had been running towards the stage but wasn't able to move as freely as I thought I could've. I needed to get closer, I told myself as I started running. I needed to get close enough for my eyes to believe what my heart thought was happening. Was it really them? Can it be ever them?

I chose to stop the questions and my running.

Now I was reasonably close to the stage, not too close anyway. I was panting. Breathing really hard. I had slouched, now balancing myself by the support my hand was finding, resting on my thighs. I was there, so close, and yet not ready to look up and find the solace my heart's been longing for. Yet, my head was messed up.

You left this. You left them. Why do you need to complicate life?

My problem had aroused again. I wasn't ready. I knew that too. But something inside in my heart, somewhere in my head I wanted to do it. Just look at them, I told myself, just look and leave. Nothing will change. Just for the pleasure of knowing that they are doing okay. Just to see them one more time. Just look, I kept telling myself.

As I battled the emotions inside, my head involuntarily recalled few words that I thought was really needed for the moment.

'Family will be there forever.'

'You take life as it comes'

This is family. My family! I need to look at them! I will take life as it comes and they have come to me. This is it! The moment. Just one look.

I seemed to have convinced myself to give one look at them. I knew it was them; I just wanted to know how they were now. If I had changed so much appearance wise, those three would've gotten cuter than ever. I smiled again at the thought, without my try. I was smiling. That itself amazed me. Smiling from the heart. And now I knew that this one look would ensure that this smile would stay on for a longer time.

I slowly stood up on my feet, took one deep breath and straightened myself. This is it, the moment. My head kept echoing those words. I knew the sense of awe and anxiety filling my inside. After nine years…nine years!

My head titled upwards slowly. The show lights blinded me immediately and it made me realize it was close enough to get a complete view of all three of them. As my eyes adjusted to the light, the vision seemed to get clearer. Three tall figures, two playing the guitar and one on the drums, rocking and living their life to the fullest. As I looked at each and every face, I found myself caught off guard.

As I had been admiring them, a familiar pair of eyes, from behind the drums had been looking at me for a long time…