Chapter Thirteen

Going all around the town searching for Ayu is the last thing Deke would agree to do. Just because I had to bring him along, I added Mia’s name to the list. Like an obedient robot following its command, Deke climbed onto the back seat of the rented car we had now. I don’t know what’s between them but it helped me now.

 I seriously didn’t think that Mia was missing. I assumed that she was probably caught up with her sister at the club. To our surprise or should I say shock, Mia hadn’t turned up at the club yet.

‘She didn’t pick up her phone since the morning.’ Kelly was explaining to us. Deke insisted that we finish confirming about Mia’s safety. I agreed thinking that it’ll be alright provided the fact that she will be safe. Now things have been totally different than what I presumed to be.

‘That didn’t worry you?’ Sean was trying hard to hide his tension. Kelly, unlike a sister who might have possibly lost her sister now was calmer than a river at rest.

‘Well, I did contact her neighbor. She always looks out for Mia like a big sister. She had seen Mia in the morning…with Ayu.’ The last two words caught my attention even and I listened closer. ‘Ayu seemed to have left first and Mia, after fifteen minutes or so drove off in her car.’

‘Where did they go? Do you think they went off together?’ I was rushing my questions not bothering about the tension I might create. Sean gently laid his arm on my shoulder to calm me down. Thankfully, Kelly had turned away to get us some water.

‘I think so. They have fights and they are silly, believe me. When this happens, they always go off in separate ways to different places and show up here right at end of the day for dinner where I’ll judge who was right on their part. So it’s just one of those days…’

Somehow Kelly’s faith in the girls’ behavior gave me some faith. She was smiling and it is something hard to do when you are worried. We acted enough to hide the anticipation that we were feeling before we came here and we held onto it until we left. As we were walking out, as usual, Deke started to blabber.

‘I bet this isn’t what happened. Probably on Mia’s part it is the case but not on Ayu’s. She would have fought with Mia just so that she will not follow her on whatever scheme she’s pulling and poor girl would’ve run off to calm herself.’

‘Thank you, Sherlock. Just shut your cake hole.’ Sean was resenting to his violent self to keep us at bay. Then he turned to me and asked ‘What do you think?’

All I can feel is that she is safe but where she is or what she is doing is a question whose answer is daunting enough for me to wish that I wasn’t here right now…

~*~*~*~*~*~

I wish I wasn’t here right now…!

Wrestling on the floor, with me on top of her, wasn’t exactly how I imagined our reunion to be.

‘Get off of me! You plagiarist! You fake!’ she was trying to free herself from my grip but I could tell her that she was a little rusty with her skills. I had to calm her down before she attracted the neighbors’ attention.

‘Rachel! Listen to me….it is me! It is me!’ I kept yelling out repeatedly but she was in no form to listen to me. I had to yell at the top my voice to even get her to look at me. ‘RACHEL! IT IS REALLY ME!!!’

For that instant, she calmed down a bit. She slowly opened her eyes that she’d closed the minute she saw me and started to freak out. She was not ready to accept what she was seeing and I don’t blame her. Now, however, she was trying to give me a chance.

‘Ayu…?’ she slowly dragged my name and to my relief, she wasn’t freaking out again. I slowly let go of my grip and relaxed as I acknowledged her discovery.

‘Yes…it is me…’ I still didn’t get off her but wasn’t smothering her as I did before. Then again, I should’ve known better about Rachel.

She freed her legs from my moderate hold and kicked me in my guts. I fell on the floor with my hands holding on to my stomach when I heard her yelling out the most bizarre conclusion she can land upon.

‘Ghost! I have a ghost at my place! Oh My God! It is a ghost!’ like I said, dramatics amplified!

Flinching in pain, I opened my eyes a little bit wider to see what she was doing. She was at her fireplace and moving the portrait above it. I have seen enough movies to understand what particular people would have behind portraits over a particular location and this person doesn’t give me the peace that I need right now. I propped myself up on my feet and right then, Rachel was holding a fully loaded pistol in front of my face. I had to talk before I got myself killed and I knew exactly what to talk about.

‘Rachel Ellen Wood! Put that damn gun down!’

Shell shocked, she stood there, her gun still at me but not with the same rage that she chose to pick up a weapon. I knew I had gotten to her and I knew she was now softening up and bringing herself back to the plain reality.

‘How do you know my middle name? The only person who knows that is…’

‘Me…’ I completed for her. ‘The reason you don’t use that is because that is your grandmother’s name and every time someone uses it, you get reminded of her. You also consider this your weak spot.’ I explained it clear enough for her to believe it is me.

Then again, it is Rachel. She doesn’t give up that easily.

‘You can still be Ayu’s ghost! She knows this and if you are her ghost, you’ll know it too!’ now the gun was at my face again and her face was trembling with disbelief.

‘Are you serious? A ghost? Come on…you were pre med once. Where are all your fancy brain cells? It ain't working as well as it is supposed to be.’ I couldn’t help but state sarcasm. She was insane now.

‘You are a ghost. There is no rational explanation for this. And my brain cells are working just fine. In fact, they are working enough to help me kill you!’ she loaded her gun and placed it in front of me once again.

‘Rachel…you don’t want to do this. You are making a mistake. It is me!’

‘Then prove it…! My middle name isn’t hardcore proof.’

Putting me in misery was nothing new to Rachel. In fact, it’s her hobby. Now however, I am the one on the other side. I don’t have to be psychic to know what she was thinking. I had to prove to her that it was me and I knew only one way was left. I had to resort to one last trick in the book. If she still wasn’t convinced, then I am as good as dead.

I slowly pulled out my pocket knife and slit a little part in my hand. It started to bleed profusely, just as I wanted it to. Coiling my knife back, I asked her slowly.

‘Does a ghost bleed?’

Almost immediately after I asked the question, she dropped the gun, grabbed a napkin and placed it on my wound applying pressure to stop the bleeding. While doing so, she constantly kept staring at me, trying to process all of this in her head. I don’t blame her though. In fact, I was still waiting for her to ask me the million dollar question. And then it came…

 ‘Ayu…you were supposed to be dead.’

‘I was…until three days ago.’ I slowly stated what she needed to know.

She left the grip she was holding upon my wound and slid back on the couch behind us. She was now entirely sure of what was going on and now she knows why I had knocked on her door after all these years. She was aware and she wasn’t happy. I slowly, still holding on to my wound, sat next to her on the couch waiting for the anger wave to hit me. She finally gathered the words needed and blurted out her disappointment upon me.

‘Ayu…what did you do now?!’

~*~*~*~*~

Time flies alright…and I learnt it the hard way.

Devouring through Ayu’s journal was not as easy as I imagined it would be. Right after she left my apartment, I got dressed and escaped my possible drawbacks. I made sure that the neighbor of mine, Sheila, saw me driving away. That was because when I don’t pick up my phone, Kelly will know from her that Ayu and I probably had a fight. I am somewhat thankful for all those silly fights we’ve had so that we had developed such a habit that helps me now. I had driven far away out of town to give me all the space and privacy I needed to read it through.

When I kept asking her for the truth for the past two days or so…I had no idea I’ll be facing this much of it. Now I am having second thoughts about talking all those bad stuff to her. She is, indeed, a very good person and she is stronger than I ever thought that she would be. I cannot imagine the pain she has undergone these past years and she is not to be blamed for any of the outcomes that have come our way. Unfortunately, it is exactly what she’s been doing all along.

Looking at her today, I got scared. When I read about her, I get more terrified than ever. She’s had a life that is so miserable any human would not tell it out loud…even to the closest family he/she can have. And what right did we have to ask her all those impossible questions and put her in more misery.

That was the fourteenth time I’d jumped because on my vibrate mode. Keeping a phone with the vibrate mode on inside your pocket and reading your best friend’s horrendous past…is not a wise idea. You are already scared to death and every vibration is like a bullet through my chest. It scares the hell out of me.

I thought Kelly was the one calling but now when I took out the phone, I was surprised. Not at the person who’s called but my own ignorance. Deke had been calling me since morning and I didn’t even care. They must be worried about me too. Deke is worried about me…that is sweet. Then again, I said that I’d not contact the guys until I’m done reading. Now I am done reading…what do I do?

She certainly wouldn’t want them knowing who she really is but then I want them to know how much she’d be doing right now to keep them safe. I am not ready to have such a dilemma right now. I am feeling like I have post traumatic stress in some way. This dilemma would just hurt me.

Think Mia…just think. Act on your own

I closed my eyes to take a moment and think about what to do. Almost instantly, I heard Ayu’s voice speaking the words she said last before leaving.

‘I will always love you and respect you for the friend you’ve been to me. Thanks, Mia.’

Right then I knew exactly what to do. I revved up my engine and started to drive towards the city.

~*~*~*~*~

‘And we are all set!’ I was surprised to see Rachel’s skills in mending wounds weren’t as rusty as I thought it would be. However, I was being forced to keep my thoughts to myself now.

It must’ve been roughly at least ten to fifteen minutes since I came here and after her initial question, Rachel hasn’t spoken one word to me. every time I attempt to open my mouth, she either places the medicine on my wound, making me yell, or sticks a needle to ease the pain or just give a grip so that I’ll be wincing in pain rather than talk to her. Now I have had enough and I decided to start on a light note.

‘I am happy to see that you are still in touch with your doctor side…’ I managed to finally speak out those words with a faint smile.

She immediately looked up and gave me a stare. Not just any stare…’The Stare’. The stare that only Rachel specializes in and it bothers me almost every time. Right now, however, I decided to fight it and stared back at her, still maintaining a part of that so called smile I held before. Looking at my persistence, she finally took a deep breath, hinting that it might lead to a conversation. And it did…

‘I am not very happy to see you Ayu…’ …to end up in the worst start ever.

But a start is a start…and I chose to capitalize.

‘I know that…that is how you are supposed to feel. I…’ there is something about my friends. No one lets me talk it out.

‘You let me think that you were dead! You could’ve just shown up at my door three years ago telling me the reason. That would’ve been way better than this. To top it all off, you’ve been watching me, hiding in the shadows, like some evil being. You cannot come by for a bottle of beer?’ she walked off into the other room and started to meddle in the fridge. Like the multitasking person she is, she kept yelling till here.

‘Now you are here, knocking at my door and I can’t help but imagine one reason. And I know you know that too. So…’ she joined me in the living room where I was now standing to face her as she continued ‘…is that true?’

If anyone knew about what was happening around us, it was only Rachel. Right now, I knew what she was implying. So then, I confessed to her.

‘Yes Rachel…I met them.’ I stuttered the words out ‘I met the boys…’

‘And I am assuming…three days ago?’ she asked me coolly.

‘That’s right. It happened out of the blue. I never planned it and all…’

‘I know that. You would never plan to meet them. If you did, you wouldn’t have met them three days ago. You would’ve been at the place with them.’ She knows exactly what I would do. We share that kind of a rapport. ‘Now this is posing us trouble how?’ she asked me finally.

‘Their parents got kidnapped and I think it is because of me.’ I stated the reason clearly but Rachel’s brains seemed to be working in parts.

‘Wait…their parents? I thought the boys were orphans too!’ she notes exactly the important parts.

‘Apparently, they were alive and around. They just weren’t around their children. They came in right about…’ I couldn’t spit out the last few words as it brought back lot of memories that weren’t memorable.

‘…after you left?’ Rachel finished it for me and I slowly nodded my head in acknowledgement. She knew what I was going through and safely took me away. ‘And why do you think it is because of you?’  

‘Come on, Rachel…what else this could mean?’ I didn’t understand why she was being dismissive of the reason.

‘Think clear Ayu…the parents just came into their lives and that too right after you left. This is shady to me. It wasn’t for you? Didn’t you do a background check?’ her explanation was really tempting enough for me to wish it was true but it ain't…

‘The boys had a paternity test with their parents. They are legit.’ I slowly uttered those words hinting my feeling.

‘Then there must be something else…you’ve been dead three years! They are dealing with you. You wouldn’t let it slip. How come are you still sure?’

I can see what Rachel was trying to do. She was hoping if there was any other alternative for this situation. She wanted me to be dead in their eyes as much as I want to be. Then again, we don’t always get what we want…at least I don’t. I have established that more than once before. I had to let her know what it was actually and how serious it has become.

‘I saw Ethan when he tried to take the boys…’ and that was it.

Rachel’s eyes speak for her thoroughly. She doesn’t have to emote as much for me to understand what is going on in her head. And the name I mentioned was something she expected not to hear but then…

‘Ethan…he was there?’ she couldn’t let it sink in yet and she was wishing that I would tell something to change her fears. What I had to tell more was just going to make it worse.

‘They took the boys right after their parents got kidnapped and they asked them to kill someone to ensure the freedom of their parents. That is their plan…now add up all the elements, Rachel. You still don’t believe it is me that they are after?’

She took a moment and a deep breath before she answered. ‘Emotional torture…bringing out old connections…getting you out…yeah. Sounds like you are the target.’

An eerie silence took over while both of us found no words to continue. It was not the best of the situations and we did not want to meet like this…not ever. In fact, it was a very selfish act on my part when I decided to knock on her door.

‘So…what do you need me for? You let me think that you were dead for three years. Now why would you come knocking? Are you planning to pull me back in? If that is the plan…I will push you out!’ Rachel realized the other important question and gave me the lead to reveal my actual plan.

‘I am not going to pull you back in. This is my battle…not yours! I need other favors…’

‘What kind?’ now she got curious and I could see it in her body language.

‘The Rachel I knew will never turn her back on the enemy. I might be dead or was dead, but you, you are still alive but in hiding. You have a reputation to maintain and a life to live. So, I am guessing that you have a constant check on them…up to date?’

‘Am I that vulnerable?’ she was a little shocked by my assessment of hers. She always tries to act mysterious.

‘Not vulnerable…you’re just obvious…’ I smiled as I stated the difference.

‘Obvious? That is even worse!’ now she was making all of this about herself.

‘So I can take that as a yes?’ I pulled her back into the picture.

‘Yeah…you are right!’ she agreed sheepishly.

‘Just give me current locations, stats and info and I am out of here. You will not see me again ever in your life…’

‘Whoa…slow down!’ now she caught me off guard. ‘You’re going to run in there alone?’

‘I can deal with them. Actually, I want to deal with them.’ I was being vague but Rachel understood what I meant.

‘You’re going to turn yourself in?’ she slipped the words out slowly and I could see the disbelief in it. ‘You had to play dead to escape that hell hole and now you just want to walk right in?’

‘Rachel…nothing else matters to me than the safety of the boys. Just by looking at them in their show, I put them and their parents in danger. I let my guard slip one time and now I am not dead anymore. If all of this hiding and atrocity and the suffering has to end…I am going to have to be gone. That is the only solution…’

Completely contrary to the reaction that I imagined, Rachel started to laugh out loud.

‘Why am I not surprised?’ and then I knew the reason behind her laugh. I felt low at the moment. So I decided to leave it then and there.

‘Just give me what I need…I’ll be out.’

‘I know what you need. You need backup and I am all you’ve got. So, let’s roll together’

Now she was insane.

‘Rachel…don’t you play! You’ll be blowing your cover! I cannot have you risking your life for my mistake.’

‘The minute you rang my doorbell my cover was blown. So, I am not going to act like it didn’t. I, for the record, knew that you did not die. You wouldn’t have and that is who you are. You have more reasons to live than I do and I am not going to let you go down that hell hole alone. Not this time. So, you shut your cake hole and follow my lead and we will make it out of this together. Are we clear?’

I remained silent, staring at her in rage. She had no idea what she was signing up for. She had absolutely no need to come along with me. We both have lost enough and especially Rachel. I cannot take the fact that she might be in danger because of me.

‘Listen Ayu… no matter what you try, you cannot lose me. I am your database now and I ain't talking until you let me in on this. We can do this…just like the old days. What say?’

And if I knew one thing about Rachel…she is one pain in the ass. I had no other choice but to…

‘Like the old days it’ll be…’ …agree with her stupid plan.

What lay ahead is a mystery but I know one thing for sure. The bad guys had it coming for them.

Chapter Twelve

‘I need to talk to you…’

There would’ve been so many things that Mia would’ve been thinking about doing this morning at seven but she certainly wouldn’t have expected me to standing in front her apartment door. She was shell shocked when she opened the front door for me.

‘What are you doing out here this early? The boys know you’re here?’ she finally managed to get words out of her mouth and she made it evident that she was really angry with me.

‘Like I said…I need to talk to you!’ I kept my cool and I was constantly looking at Mia’s eyes showing how serious I was at the moment.

Probably struck by my effect, Mia slowly opened the door wider and let me in. I could feel her eyes scanning me thoroughly from top to bottom, primarily because of my wardrobe. I was dressed in black from head to toe; a black jean, top and an overcoat and wearing the kind of boots that scared Mia the most. She thinks it’ll squeeze our feet until it bled. My hair was also tied all up in a ponytail as opposed to being let down like I did and I for sure looked different. I was imagining what her face would be showing and I turned around to break the surprise. It was exactly what I thought it will look like…stuck in between disbelief and fear. I was looking out for what she will choose to state her thoughts. One more thing that she had noticed was what she decided upon to start the conversation.

‘Where are your glasses? You can see me clearly?’ her voice was hinting a little concern but most of it was however anticipating the worst.

‘I don’t need to wear it to see clearly…never did!’

My voice was cold and still and I could see Mia noticing that too. I must say I am giving her too much of a change to her at the moment but then again, she was the one who asked for the truth. I had to get this over with and quick. If I was going to do this…then I had to settle certain things first.

‘What…what are you trying to do to me? I am not able to see you like this…’ Mia was stuttering now. She was holding her forehead like she was symbolizing that her head was spinning.

‘Sit down, Mia. Please…’ I went close and persuaded a push to the couch. She landed involuntarily like she was lifeless at the moment. I was supposed to stop now but hey, face the music. Isn’t that right? So I went about asking her the difficult question.

‘What do you think…when you look at me now?’

Bewildered already now even worse, Mia looked up to give me a confused stare. She was not very welcoming about the change she is seeing but then she was also realizing that this was what she asked for and that she might have to deal with it. She slowly gathered her breath and then exhaled her words.

‘You look like you are someone bad…you look…scary.’

I couldn’t help but laugh at that very moment. It was hilarious to me considering how lenient she was towards me. I had to do nothing but laugh.

‘Well…you aren’t far from in your assessment. You’re still sweet towards me, I must say.’

I saw Mia’s face and it wasn’t happy. Her eyes were now narrowed and she was looking at me like she was disgusted by what she saw. I was still sitting there, carrying this façade, waiting for her to show her true reaction.

‘Ayu… what is this show you’re putting on? I must be dreaming still, right?’

‘I wish it were true…’

Mia stood up now and she looked she has had enough. It was here. The moment where we had to reveal it all was finally here.

‘Is this what you were hiding from us? This dark self of yours? So this is what they are after? Is that so?’ she was bracing herself and her voice was steadier that what is was a minute ago.

‘I guess so…’ I was still sitting and showing off a hundred percent attitude.

‘So what? Wearing black dresses is a crime now? There are hunting you down for that?’ she crossed her arm and spilled every bit of sarcasm she owned along with those words, in spite of knowing something worse may lay ahead.

‘You think that’s all I’m cut out for?’ I stood up and I was a little pissed at the moment. I was trying to show her the other side of me and she still is showcasing faith upon me? I mean, how much can you disbelieve?       

‘Yeah…what else are you capable of?’ she was shaking now and her voice proved it. Her expression was anticipation of something that might calm her nerves at the moment. But she wasn’t going to be getting some.

‘Look at me now and tell me what do you think that I am capable of!’ I was now yelling at the top of my voice and I was staring right into her eyes. I was not making it easy for her.

She was staring at me too. She was scanning me once again from head to toe trying to write off all the bad thoughts by convincing herself that if she had a better look at me, it would be possible. Once she had done doing so though, she shuddered at the very moment. I’m guessing, she just had her realization.

She slouched onto the couch once more as I kept standing up, looking down on her. She was twisting her blouse which was a clear sign of fear. She shows certain signs that only her closest ones would be able to recognize. Unfortunately for her…I am one of them too.

‘What are you thinking now?’ I slowly put forth another query.

‘I am wishing that I never woke up this morning…that we are still at Kelly’s club having turkey with the boys and laughing out loud. I am wishing that all of this would turn around and go back to normal. I wish I had a life!’

The last line she uttered made me smile, in a sarcastic way. I can’t believe she is wishing she had a life just by looking at me? She has no idea.

‘Unlike me, you have a life. Don’t ruin it, Mia.’

‘So what? You can ruin yours and I should not care about it?’ now she was confusing me.

Looking at my expression, she chose to continue.

‘I am not heartless. I fought with you yesterday so that you would face the situation and its consequences and not run away. Now you are here, dressed up like a sick psycho, acting all cold and scary. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?’

‘I am trying to give you the truth. You’re just looking at me. Do you know what I have done? I don’t even think I deserve your care, Mia! Don’t care for me…’ now I was getting emotional but I had to stop. If I spoke one more word, this will be worse than I planned it to be.

I immediately pulled my back pack over and dug in deep. Seconds later I pulled out my journal and to Mia’s surprise, I handed it over to her. She was confused about it and was troubled too. I decided that I better make this quick.

‘This is my…everything. The history, the present…everything. If you need to know about me, flip these pages…but on two conditions. Don’t let the boys know about this and don’t contact them either no matter what…even if they try. Are we clear?’

She was not ready for any of this but her curiosity about my reality was driving her now. She slowly nodded her head as she took the book from me. I zipped up my bag and I started towards the door. I could feel her eyes following me but she wasn’t ready to speak anything. Unlike her, I had something to say.

‘And I want you to remember this…I always love you and respect you for the friend you’ve been to me. Thanks, Mia.’

I saw her face that had tears flowing down one last time, before I closed the door behind me.

~*~*~*~*~

‘This is wrong. We are not supposed to be hear Rocky!’ Ayu’s sweet voice melted through my ears as she cuddled up next to me while we were sneaking past the night guard.

‘Come on, Ayu. Where’s your thrill factor? Don’t you want to break some rules?’ I was my notorious self again.

‘Sean is going to kill us both. He will be so disappointed in us too.’

‘Yeah and he’ll also say that ‘This was not an appropriate thing to be done by two twelve year olds’. I have already played out the whole scenario in my head. Don’t worry; I will save us both if we get caught.’

‘Which we will…’ she kept reassuring me.

‘Wow…what’s with you and negativity?!’ I was trying to pull her leg.

‘I’m just realistic not pessimistic…alright?!’

‘Well…someone’s picking up on words quickly.’ I had somehow put my interest in improving my vocabulary into her.

‘Well…I am learning from the best!’ she made me blush and proud at the same time.

I don’t know why I was living through this memory again but this is one thing I cherish deep inside my heart. It was summer time and of course our vacation time and I just pulled Ayu to come along on a little sneak out. I wanted to share a little thrill with her and planned up a sneak into an old mill that is apparently abandoned a couple of streets away from our school. It was ten in the night and Sean was doing an over shift tonight. Deke was easy to surpass. Late night TV and hot chocolate was all that took me to knock him out. Ayu was right in a way though. If Sean knew, he’d flip, freak and fire at us all at once!

‘Okay…let me get this straight! If this factory is abandoned…why is there a night guard?!’ I sometimes hate when Ayu gets all smart on me. She literally ruins the surprise or the actual thrill that I wanted to achieve.  

‘Maybe he’s guarding the old trees and the leaves here. You know, saving the environment…’

‘If you don’t know…just tell you don’t know. You don’t have to answer every question. With answers like that, you’ll pass off as a fool any day!’

I was silently smiling as she led the way. I’ve never loved the authority or the level of mocking I undergo with my brothers but whenever she does it though…it makes me feel special.

‘Where are we going anyway? What are you trying to show me?’ Ayu was getting curious and it was perfect timing.

‘You see that bridge up there? We are going to get up there!’ I could sense the excitement I was feeling reflecting in my voice and I was ready to indulge.

‘Get up there and do what?!’ I grabbed her hands as she finished her question and started to run towards the rusty old stairs that led to the bridge.

I could hear her laughing as we sprinted towards the stairs and I could feel the enjoyment she was radiating too. It felt light to spend these moments and share it with your best friend. I was not sure why I was reminiscing about this but it was exactly what I needed now.

Getting up onto the bridge, we were now walking slowly towards the middle. I was still holding her hand making sure now these rusty base plates collapse and just put us in worse troubles than what we might already be in.

‘What are we doing here?! Tell me already. I hate too much of suspense and you know that Rocky!’ she was restless now and yes, she hates too much suspense all at the same time. She claims that it has to do with the suspense surrounding her past and not knowing who she is. No matter how much I try to convince her that it doesn’t matter, she wouldn’t listen.

‘Just a couple of more steps…and there we are!’ we made it to the middle and I faced her with the widest smile possible.

‘You wanted to count the number of steps that takes to reach the middle?’ she probably suggested that as I probably looked like a geek who just proved a theory of his own. I reduced my smile and told her the real reason.

‘I wanted you to see this…’ I turned her to her left and made her stand. Then I waited for her reaction.

Her eyes widened almost instantly she turned around. She was facing the brightest full moon that we’d seen in a long time and it was so bright that it flashed on us. She was glowing in the moon light, now that I think about it, which I didn’t realize when I was looking at her back then. She was smiling so much that I haven’t seen her that happy in the two years that she’s been with us.

‘This is beautiful…’ I hear her say but now I am still stuck upon her face that I’m reminiscing.

‘I must say…’ I begin ‘…you are the best friend that I’ve ever had.’

She turns around slowly and she is a little surprised and shocked at the same time. She didn’t expect to be acknowledged as a relation let alone a person and she was feeling humble at the moment.

‘It’s just been two years since you’ve known me…’ still somewhere she refuses to accept it.

‘Who cares? I trust you enough. Time isn’t what influences trust. Look at me…I trust you!’ and then she smiled at me, still glowing.

‘Look at me!!! Rocky….buddy… come on, look at me…!!!’ Sean’s voice was suddenly filling my ears and all my images of the both of us were vanishing. I could feel  his cold fingers hitting my cheeks in an attempt to wake me up. Wake me up? How long have I been sleeping?!

‘Rocky…can you hear me?!’ Deke’s voice joined in too. I slowly opened my eyes to find both of them staring right into my face and they looked really worried.

‘That girl has seriously gone off bounds! What is happening here?!’ Deke was definitely not happy and I was now sure Ayu had something to do with this.

‘What happened? Why are you all tensed?’ I slowly started to speak and I just then realized that I wasn’t feeling too good. My head was aching and I felt so stiff.

‘The time is one in the afternoon. We’ve been sleeping since ten last night.’ Sean slowly started to explain.

‘So…you are tensed because we overslept?’ I was a little lost at the moment.

‘Do you feel like you’ve overslept?’ Deke was pissed and he was using his arrogant voice with me. This meant some problem for sure. And that’s when I noticed…

‘Honestly…I feel like I am too tired and like I’m hung-over.’ I held my neck to ease it out as I spoke. I could feel almost every joint in my body now.

‘That is because we were drugged…’ Sean held a small bottle up and showed me. I didn’t recognize the label but it sure seemed like sleeping tablets.

‘By Ayu…you’re best friend!’ Deke was rushing to finish Sean’s sentence.

‘We don’t know that yet, Deke!’ Sean raised his voice like he was sick of this accusation. Looks of it suggested that they’ve been at it longer than I could imagine.

‘Yeah…keep supporting her. I don’t believe how blind you to idiots are. She is shady…shadier than what she was with us and you still don’t bother to see that? I must say you two are the worst fools in the history of worst fools!’

‘Deke…just shut up! It’s just sleeping pills. It’s not like we are poisoned!’

‘That is the only thing left. It’s about time she kills us too!’

And then I’ve had enough!

‘Guys! My head hurts…just stop!’ I held my head so hard that I didn’t have to fake it. It really was paining.

‘You okay, bro?’ Sean’s concern enveloped me once again. I was a little peachy but held myself together to talk back.

‘If you are so confused about who did it…why don’t you ask her itself?’ I was not realizing something huge at the moment.

‘Wake up, Einstein! Your girlfriend ain’t here!’

Deke’s words acted like the boost that I really needed. I raised my head and looked around hastily. She was nowhere to be found and all of a sudden, my head started to play out all the worst scenarios.

‘Did you call her? Check up with Mia?’ I was suggested and spilling almost everything that was popping up in my mind.

‘We’ve done everything…’ Sean started slowly. ‘Ayu is not picking up her phone and so is Mia. We think they are in trouble…’

‘No! He thinks they are in trouble. I think that both those girls are ditching us exactly when we need help. Cowards they are…’ Deke’s temper was blinding him. Even if his words were disturbing me, I chose to ignore him and maintain my conversation with Sean.

‘You think they took them too?’ I was hoping that this scenario was wrong but then again, it was the only one that would fit in.

‘I don’t know, bro. Honestly, I hope not…’Sean was sincere in his answer. That is all that he can give me. He is as worried as I can get.

‘You two are impossible! Always stick to the easy way and hope that it is the truth. You are not going to see the truth…not now, now ever!’ Deke was getting on my nerves. I had to stop it. I know he hates her, but when something might me wrong with her, I cannot take it.

‘What are you suggesting?’ I slowly held in all my anger and asked him.

‘You think the bad guys drugged us and took her when we are all asleep? They could’ve easily taken us again and threatened us even more. Hell, they could’ve killed us!’

 ‘They still need us to do the killing, Deke. We’ve been over this. They may have took the others we are concerned about and probably try to hit us emotionally.’ Sean’s theory was plausible. What I didn’t understand was why Deke refused to accept it.

‘If this is something to do about our parents, the must’ve been after us a long time. They would have no idea about the existence of Ayu or even Mia. Why take them? Just coz they helped us? The nurse in that hospital helped us…she is not kidnapped or missing for that fact.’

I was one nerve away from hitting him. ‘What is your point?’ I asked him, gritting my teeth.

‘Your friend has just put us in danger and distress one more time and bailed. Typical!’ and that was it.

I almost immediately pounced on Deke, pushing him right onto the couch. He was struggling beneath my grasp and I was almost strangling him

‘Don’t you blame Ayu for all this! She will not leave! I just got her back!’ I was holding his shirt collar and smoothing him hard.

‘Rocky…let go!’ Sean was trying hard to break us off.

‘Little bro…I tell this because I care about you! She is doing something and it is not right. I can feel it.’

‘Don’t you dare…’ before I could harden my grip, Deke gained his composure and pushed me off onto the ground. He almost immediately tried to pounce upon me but Sean interrupted us right on time to avert the nastiest fight we’ve had in years.

‘Don’t waste it, bro. I am going to be right in the end. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!’ Deke doesn’t stop when he should.

‘What do you know about her? You barely know her face. You walk off every time she comes even ten miles closer to you. You don’t judge her. I know her. I know my friend.’ I was yelling my guts out from the ground while Sean still had a grip on me, pinning me to the floor till I calmed down.

‘Yeah? You know her?’ Deke came down on his hinges next to me and then spoke. ‘Then tell me bro…what was she up to these past nine years she wasn’t with us….?!’

I let go off my fight and fell onto the floor defeated by his final question. I had no answer for it and I wasn’t able to think of one too. All I had was immense trust on her and that was good enough for me. For Deke, however, trust is an issue yet to be resolved. Sean loosened his grip upon me and settled on the floor next to me. He also knew what I was thinking and he was wishing that he could.

‘That’s what I thought…’ Deke walked off right after that and he has had the last word.

‘I’ll check on Claire…just in case if my theory holds.’ He tapped my leg in reassurance and left the room too.

I lay there on the floor, wondering deeply now, not sure of the truth. I got reminded of the dream I was having a while ago and it was the first time I told her that I trust her completely. The fact is that I still do. Now what bothers me is one question and it’s the most disturbing ever.

Is my trust on her is hiding the actual truth from me?

~*~*~*~*~*~

I’ve done many things in the past and I have affected many people. The boys would’ve woken up by now and it will not be the most pleasant conversations that they will have. I left the pills box right there so that they will probably get a hint as to not to find me, at least for the moment. What I am about to do, will be off much better if they weren’t around.

The love and affection I have for my friends is so immense that sometimes I have to put a few at risk. I was moving into such a situation and I was not happy about it at all. I was one town away and it is where my last hope resides…literally. In spite of being labeled as so, I still have seconds thoughts about doing this. This will mean that I am compromising something much more than I can afford but then again, like I said, this was my last hope.

Climbing up the stairs of this quaint apartment, my heart beat was going nuts. It was thumping too hard that it may jump out of chest and run away, at least that’s how I felt. The reaction that may play out now was something that I’ve been anticipating for a long time. Still…this is a place where dramatics always was amplified.

Like I said…I’ve done many things in my life before. But what I am doing now, it is going to top the list of mistakes I've made in my life. I press the door bell and instantly hold my breath to take in the worst. When the door opened, there she was, still looking the same and doing fine. I did notice one difference now…

She was freaking out and I know why…

She just saw me!

Chapter Eleven

If there was one thing I realized recently, my life here will no longer be the same.

The recent events and the way they’ve progressed haven’t actually gone in any way that would be favorable to me. If it did something, it just worsened my chances to escape the truth. ‘Can’t lose that bitch alone, can you?’ asks my inner voice almost every minute now. The truth was hard for me to share and I had more than one valid reason to justify my decision. But I knew for sure, my days of hiding were over and it was not up to me to stop it anymore. Right now, I had one and only one aim in my life…to help my family get out of this mess…my mess…forever!

I hadn’t slept the other night. I was happy in one corner of my heart where it was completely melted away by Rocky’s lovely act, whereas the rest of my heart knew that it wasn’t there to last. The hustle and bustle of a Monday morning took over my place when they boys started moving around but I didn’t leave my room. I was lying on my bed and I was crushing the pillow in between my hands, trying to fight away every tear that was queuing up to fall out.

‘Don’t cry! You cannot afford to cry!’ I kept repeating to myself inside. I knew that I had no place for tears. Not anymore…not in my life.

I lay there, wide awake and I was sure that I wasn’t dreaming, but I was continually disturbed by certain images that I’ve feared of living through once again. It was not pretty and I certainly was not safe. My heart raced like hell as every image vividly terrified me and all I wanted to happen next is that either I die or the memories die. Both however seemed impossible. I closed my eyes and opened them hastily, trying to shake off every ridiculous memory and fill my head with the better ones. And when I do…I cry more.

Every bit of my ‘better memories’ had these people in them. Be it Sean, Rocky, Mia or even Deke…they were all there. The few smiles I had in my life were because of these people and at the moment I was hurting them in levels I can’t even imagine. They are standing by me, at the moment however. They do not have a single clue about my past and I am not giving them any too. As many the times I have re established this fact, I’ve been dreading the moment and hoping it never arrives. But then again, it has. I close my eyes one last time to calm myself and probably figure out one thing that’ll provide me with a solution.

‘I don’t understand why you give a damn about the people who don’t look at you and not even bother about the people who got bruised for you.’

‘It took nine years of separation to for you to understand that we didn’t need you?’

‘Family will be there forever’

And when I opened my eyes…I knew exactly what I should do.

‘Hey sleepy head…’ Rocky’s ever cheerful voice filled the living room as I finally came out of my room.

I looked dazed and confused, or at least that is what I concluded as the way the boys were looking at me. I must’ve looked terrible considering the fact that I was in fact sleepless.

‘Are you okay? Did you actually sleep or not?’ Sean was concerned as ever and I can see that he was freaking out a little too.

‘I did…I… I just need to bathe…’ uttering those incomplete words, I rushed into the bathroom to avert any more awkward situations.

I closed the bathroom door behind me and I found myself breathing real hard. Over my extended breaths, I could hear whispers of the boys, specifically Sean and Rocky. They were disturbed and my first step was to not freak them out. I had to pull myself together and it was high time I did it.

After a brief yet soothing bath, I came out of the bathroom slowly. I heard Mia’s voice almost immediately and it was in an agitated state. They were all seated around my small dinner table and arguing like it was any other normal day for a normal fight among the family. It was calming to see it but what lay ahead, at least for me, scared me the most. I slowly walked in to find them all nice and cozy. As soon as I walked in, however, the noise died down. The silent feel came to replace the buzz that was persisting a moment ago. For a moment, I felt like a ‘buzz-kill’ but hey, maybe I am.

I couldn’t help but notice Mia’s face. The smile she carried a minute before, almost instantly vanished on seeing me. She was thinking about me, I could see it and she was bothered about it too. I was already in a bad mood and I had to make sure that they didn’t realize it. So I decided to indulge in the conversation.

‘What is the ruckus about?’ I tried to put forth the best cheerful voice I could manage.

‘Mia is inviting us for lunch at her sister’s club and we are politely denying it.’ Rocky continued with the same cheery tone I began. I was happy with the partial success I was seeing.

‘Well…the reason is way too bogus for me to accept!’ Mia started off too. The whole mood kind of immediately came back and it calmed me down too. ‘They say you wouldn’t allow them Ayu. Is that true?’

‘Of course not...’ I slid towards Mia’s side. ‘…Kelly is an amazing cook. You should have her food. Besides, this might be the break we need before we actually think about our next move.’

I tried to sound convincing. I didn’t have to try much because I really wanted them to go to her place. While they are there, I will get to do something that they needn’t necessarily have an idea about.

‘I told you about her!’ Mia was rejoicing her victory. ‘I knew she’ll tell this. I know my friend...’

Almost immediately after she uttered those words, she looked at me. Her eyes met mine for one moment and that one instant was the most disturbing instant we both have shared in the past three years. She was trying to spit something out to me and it was personal. If I didn’t know any better, I wouldn’t be planning to avoid chances of spending any kind of lone time with her already.

‘Hey guys!!! Welcome to my lair…’ Kelly was more than excited to have us over and she was already letting loose of her hysterics.

‘That is so not cool, Kells…’ Mia was already in disapproval.

‘What is the matter with you? I’m just entertaining the guests…’ Kelly was defending herself.

‘Entertaining is not your game. Do not try too hard!’

The normalcy that I always felt around this place was persistent again and I felt good about it. Mia introduced the guys to Kelly and it seemed like Kelly was well updated about the happenings. She was sure to act in the exact way that would allow the guys to feel all right and that was one thing I loved about Kelly; she always knew what was going on and how we should be.

‘I hope you like turkey… it’s an early Thanksgiving.’ Kelly gave her trademark wink and the guys couldn’t help but smile in excitement.

‘An early Thanksgiving? Kells, it’s just March. This ain’t anywhere close to October…’

‘That thereby summarizes the reason for my using of the word ‘early’, Mia. I thought you were the one doing a course on English Literature. What a pity?’

Mia just stood there, dumbstruck and a little defeated. I don’t understand how, but Kelly always gets to have the last word. I wonder if Kelly is just too smart or Mia is letting her sister live the moment. The boys had a hearty laugh and followed Kelly inside, while Mia still stood.

‘Come on, beautiful…’ I gave her nudge on her back with a moderate smile. She looked at me, to be more specific, gazed and gave me a weak smile as she tethered along with me.

The scene playing in front of me was lovely and exactly how I imagined or to be more specific, dreamed my future would be. To have all my favorite people in the same room living and laughing their life to the fullest has always been my dream and it has come true beyond my imagination’s capacity. I, however, did a very small mistake. I didn’t dream myself into the picture. I was always the one looking over from a distance that was always too far. I couldn’t help but smile at the ignorance I had sported and I had none but myself to blame. Watching them play around the table, trying to set it, made me feel so much more stupid that I actually believed I could make this work. It also made me realize one more thing that seemed like a late discovery.

Farewells aren’t as easy as it may seem…

Slipping out of the scene wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. No one even noticed that I was fidgeting around and that I was not with them. Maybe it was their ignorance or I was just too good in being invisible. Whatever the reason was, it played to my strategy very well. I was now in the back room which Mia and I own and I was casually packing all the stuff that belonged to me. If I was leaving them, I had to be sure that I should not leave a trace. I was just beginning to wonder how I was just sailing through my escape plan and right then, at that moment, I was about to be proved wrong.

‘I don’t like what you are doing!’

Seems like someone had noticed me slipping away and I wasn’t surprised to see Mia standing at the door step. She was serious like never before and it was almost about time that she confronted me. Like clockwork, there she was waiting on me, to answer certain difficult questions.

‘I know what you mean…I…’ but she was in no mood to let me do any of the talking. She interrupted me right at the beginning.

‘Since when do you drive cars? And since when do you do drifts with them? I don’t even know if you own a license! But who cares? You drive a car and you scare the hell out of me with it!!!’

I was more than concerned about her voice pitch at the moment. I was terrified about it. When she is angry or even worse, frustrated, the whole area can hear her yelling. It is like her talent or in my case, her curse. I was more than scared that she’ll attract the attention of Kelly or the boys, who are out in the club organizing lunch. I motioned her to reduce her volume but she seemed like she wasn’t in the mood to listen to me.

‘I’ve never been so scared for my life in the twenty years I’ve lived! I didn’t even give a damn when Louis came to physically abuse me. I kicked his ass and several other places where a kick should never land. I wasn’t afraid in any of those situations but I was scared to death yesterday. Do you know why? ...’

I hate it when she asks questions under these circumstances. It’ll always rip me apart. As I awaited the dreaded answer, she gave it to me.

‘…Because…they weren’t my friends! And they weren’t hiding their true side…unlike you.’

She was stuttering as she spoke out those words. She wasn’t up for this emotional trauma. I felt even worse for doing this to her as she was the only soul who actually looked at me when I still remained invisible to the rest of the world. She is the single most important person in this world for me; apart from the boys and I’ve successfully accomplished hurting her too, just like I did to the boys nine years ago.

I stood there motionless, not knowing what the next words out of my mouth should be. My hands were still and I put my head down to find that I was packing the picture of Mia and I that I’d framed a year ago. Timing has a way of playing in my life and it doesn’t seem to be resting. I still was lost on what to answer at the moment as this question was bothering me.

‘Did you tell any of this to the boys or Kelly?’ I slowly put forward the question and her face showed nothing but disappointment.

‘I am not a fool, Ayu. Do not take me for one. Of course I didn’t tell them any of these things. I don’t want them freaking out more than what they already are.’ Her voice finally came down but it wasn’t a relief that my heart was looking for.

I still was not talking and Mia was there expecting that I’ll give away something. When she was seeing that I wasn’t showing any improvement, she decided to give me some hints and when I say hints, I am understating the outcome.

‘Why is it so hard for you to talk it out?’ she started to move into the room, closing in on me. ‘Since the incident, you’ve been acting off. Since you met the boys you’ve been acting off. I don’t understand you one bit, Ayu. You don’t give me anything to console myself either. I am acting like a nut case. I haven’t told the boys anything and Kelly can just read my face by looking once at it. I am already isolating myself and I am not telling anyone anything...But this heart of mine wants to beat at a normal rate and it can be done only if you tell me WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!’

Watching her vent it all out was tiring and terrifying at the same time for me. I swear to God I had a tear in my eye. The last thing I need to witness is watching my friend grieve. However, my next step will lead to much worse endings. My friends will suffer and bleed like hell and it is all because of me. Then again, this is what I signed up for. I looked around where I was standing and

‘Mia…’ I began slowly ‘…I must let you know that you mean so much to me and there hasn’t been any other friend in my entire life other than you who has helped me apart from the boys. I have hurt you enough and I am not going to do it anymore. I am moving away from you and you are going to be safe. I mean like forever. So you don’t have to worry anymore.’

Dumbstruck by my words, Mia literally took two steps back from where she was standing. I was not kidding and she knew it. She knew I was up to something and it meant one thing for sure. I was not coming back. She knew me better than I thought she would but then again, she is Mia…always a constant surprise. I got back to my packing while she was still standing there breathless. I wasn’t even clear on what I was going to do but she was standing there like she’d heard enough. Finally she came back to her senses and spoke the words that were choked up in her a while ago.

‘Ayu…whatever you’re thinking of doing…don’t do it!’ she slowly whispered to send chills down my spine. It wasn’t of fear but of guilt. ‘…Running away again is not the solution.’

‘I’m sorry Mia…I have to do what I have to.’ I was now acting like a robot, a machine without any feelings. I have to transform myself in such a way so that I have the strength to fight it through.

‘Why are you acting like this? What is it that you can possibly do? You are not the one in trouble. They asked the guys to kill someone…not you! You are acting as if you were kidnapped and traumatized or even worse acting like you might be the target, Ayu!’ and right then when her eyes met mine, a sudden silence took over.

I stood there, frozen and terrified, dropping my things right when she uttered the last sentence. A deep breath was all I could hear after that. Mia didn’t want to talk and so did I. I closed my eyes and held my bag so tightly; I was almost wishing that I’d disintegrate at this very place. I just confirmed her worst fears and a part of the truth that I was fighting to hide it from them. I was poison and I just started to kill.

‘A…Ayu…how are you in…involved?’ she was trembling and she was not ready for more but she was compelled to know more. Unlike me, I can just stop it then and there.

‘Trust me, Mia. You don’t want to know. This is not your battle to fight. I don’t think I can fight either. I am not supposed to be here. Every second that I am going to exist around you, I am putting your life in danger. You were perfectly happy before I came and I am trying my level best to make it that way again. The boys will be fine…you will take care of them. I know you will. This is the best solution I can think of, Mia and in a year you will definitely reflect and agree that I made the right decision. You will be safe, Mia... just let me make sure of that.’

Silence…it has become a disturbing and a very persistent word in my life. Right now, it was the only thing that existed between the two of us. Mia slowly pushed herself backwards and balanced herself with her back to the wall. Her face was so down I couldn’t bear watching it. I turned around, hiding and fighting my tears but basically to escape Mia’s depressing expression.

Meanwhile, in the corner of my heart, I was staring to build hope. Her silence was allowing me to imagine that there was a possible chance for her to agree with me. Let her to allow herself in turn allow me to leave so that I would vanish once and forever from their lives. As I said before, Mia is always a constant surprise. She didn’t fail to surprise me yet again.

‘So…you are just going to leave…’ her tone was different and she sounded like the ‘attitude freak’ that she always is. She was arrogant and sarcastic all at once and this side of her usually scares me. I turned around to face my deepest fears…Mia Sanders in full swing. Her depression has gone and anger was driving her now. ‘You think you are smart is it? Well, hear it from me sister, you ain't close to being brighter than a light bulb.’

I didn’t know what to reply, as always, but Mia was the one running the show now.

‘I always knew something was different about you. The first year you spent with us, all that creepy and closed up attitude of yours always made me wonder about you. You ain't a saint and I know it Ayu… but a coward? I never figured you to be one… I am honestly disappointed!’ now I had absolutely no idea where she was taking it.

‘You have a past so screwed up that guys with guns are out to get you. So, you just run away from them? You must’ve been such a badass that they had to kidnap your friend’s parents to psychologically hit you. They must’ve wrongly judged that the Ayu that terrified their existence was still alive. Boy, they sure will be bummed to know that she is dead and rotting behind this cowardly goofy friend of mine. I don’t know who you are but the Ayu I’ve always known or that you chose to show me did the right thing and only the right thing. Hell, I’ve always wanted to be like her. Now I see the same face but a different person inside her. I sure don’t know who that is and if she is a coward, heck, I don’t need even the slightest hint about her.’

My head was hanging in shame and I had no idea how I let it fall. It was an unknown happening and what was happening right now was more than surreal. Mia was giving me a pep talk about getting my swagger back and I was being motivated by it. If things were weirder anywhere around, they had no idea what was happening in our back room.

‘If above all of this, you are still planning to run away…have a piece of turkey and leave. Kelly hates leftovers.’ Saying that Mia stormed out the room, leaving breathless and stuck in a place that I just thought I escaped a while ago. A confusion that wouldn’t leave me, continued to prove its persistence was stronger than anything else. 

Like a string attached to me, I had walked right behind Mia as she left the room. I didn’t know what triggered me or convinced me to do so, but I did. Everyone was now settled at the table and the only two seats empty were for Mia and me. When she turned around to take her place, she looked at me. Her eyes reflected relief yet her face wasn’t letting go off the anger. It was uncomfortable to even think about but now I had to sit facing her and the fact that Rocky and Sean were next to me, didn’t calm me one bit.

‘Oh look…someone decided to show up.’ I could hear Mia mumble these words under her breath while the others made no sense out of it. Let’s just say, they were too busy devouring their turkey more.

The lunch was slow, at least for me. They were all however happy. I could see it or should I say even feel it around me. Now that I think about the decision I was about to make, I had second thoughts. I was getting greedy all of a sudden. I had so much of happiness around me and I am now stuck in a position that I have to leave them all and go away. I was having both my feet in two different places and I was being stretched too thin. I have to move one of my legs to either side to save myself. Then again, I could just fall…only my fall would bring down many others along.

Before I could realize, it was already 7 in the evening. I was outside, sipping a soda, alone, while the rest of them were inside playing ‘Uno’. Their laughs were like a relaxation drug to me at the moment as I have been constantly striving to listen to it whenever it occurred. It meant that I had people to love and it also meant that I had people to hurt. Family…it is overrated.

‘Looks like someone is playing the lone wolf tonight…’ Kelly’s voice startled me enough to spit a little of my soda out. ‘…I hope it isn’t a full moon. I cannot have you tearing my seats.’

I know it is weird but Kelly's weird humor always gets to me. Without my trying, I always laugh, just like how I did now.

‘I am sure that you catching me tearing your seats would be the least of your worries now…’ the statement was in context to her joke with a hidden meaning only I can interpret.

‘What is this, Ayu?’ suddenly her tone changed with me.

‘I don’t understand…’ I was stuttering my way through the building conversation.

‘I saw packed bags in the back room and I presume that is the reason for the tension between you and Mia…’ her words pierced through my barrier or whatever that was left of it and I was a little lost for any words to defend myself.

I put down my head and gripped my soda bottle a little harder while Kelly came a little bit closer to me to continue her conversation.

‘I know you have issues…’ the beginning without further delay put surprise on my face. Kelly however wasn’t surprised on my reaction. ‘We don’t show that we know but that doesn’t mean that we can’t see it.’

Now I was listening. I didn’t know what was happening within me but there was a different feeling that was coming up.

‘I still remember the way you walked into the door of my club holding the ‘help wanted’ sign. You looked like someone who’s gone through one hell of a trauma. I should’ve asked you about it but I know better not to poke around someone else’s tragedy.’

‘Why did you let me into your life? I could’ve been a crazy maniac for all you knew’ I couldn’t help but ask that question.

‘I let you in because you looked like someone…I don’t know…sincere?!’ Kelly was searching for the right word which didn’t give me much comfort. My expression contracted and she noticed once more. ‘Hey…it’s nothing bad. The reason might sound silly or phonier if I should tell you...’ but right now, looking at my face she knew the reason sounding phony wasn’t a very significant condition to hold back.

‘Alright…I let you in because I… I trusted you!’ the words were right and my ears were working. But what she’d just told me wasn’t sinking in with me yet. ‘You just looked like someone who would live by her heart and be true to the ones that matter to you. I just figured that me being the boss and all would somehow matter to you and that you’ll stick around. I really meant the ‘help wanted’ sign you know…’

Unknowingly a small smile broke out on my lips. ‘So, you figured all that out just by looking at me?’

‘No…I concluded that from the first words you spoke to me.’ I was wondering what I’d told as I absolutely had no idea about it now. Looking at me with a smile, Kelly said ‘Give me a job that would let me give you the least of the troubles…’

‘I said that?’ I was really surprised by it, but to think of the situation I was back then, it did sound like me.

‘Yeah you did…’ she smiled back

It felt warm within me. It felt exactly how I would feel when I am around the boys or when I am having the biggest laugh I’ve had with Mia. It was nice to feel that way again and I couldn’t bear to imagine that I would be losing it one day. Then again, I was going to run away from all of this just a while ago.

‘Kelly… I don’t think I should be here. I might just be more trouble and danger to all of you. I am a certified spokesperson for bad luck and all that I’ve ever done to my loved ones was give them sorrow. Right now, there is a similar scenario. With their parents missing and them getting all hurt…I don’t think that I’ll be anything but trouble. And if I start to help, none of you will like what you will see of me.’

But Kelly was in no mood to let me talk less about myself.

‘Ayu…as far as the three years that you’ve been around, I know one thing about you for sure. You don’t back down on anything. Now to see you planning to run away just scares me. With your past coming back and all the memories flooding, it is natural for you to be scared. That doesn’t mean that you have to run out on it, you always have a choice.’ She had no idea what I was undergoing but somehow her speech related with my doubts.

‘And what is that?’ I was hoping she’d tell what I was thinking

‘You can fight it…’ and she did.

‘And what if the fight hurts the ones I love?’ my final doubt was laid out.

‘Aren’t you going to be fighting for your loved ones?’

Kelly had no idea what she had infused in me but knew one thing for sure…I am not going to back down.