Chapter Ten

March 1^st, 2000

Not long, has it been, since I moved into the Harrow Mansion after much persuasion from the one person who’s ever tried to talk to me. I was still unsure about this whole plan as I was after all going to move in with the first family of Canary Island. It adds to the pressure of you being invisible. When you hang out with people like the Harrow brothers, people are going to notice you.

I was deeply immersed in thought when Sean and Rocky decided to knock on my door.

‘Hey Ayu…Want to go out and play?’

No matter how mature and devised we act, it is instances like these we realize that we are still kids. Rocky was ten, Deke was twelve and Sean was the only teenager in the vicinity, at thirteen. Their ages didn’t make me think about anything else but one thing and it has always been my thinking for a long time.

‘You guys go ahead… I’ll meet up with you later.’

‘Where are you headed to?’  Rocky was curious about this and I knew why.

Ever since I moved into the place, I have been isolating myself for most of the time. The guys have been very sweet and kind to me, at least Sean and Rocky have. Deke didn’t even bother to look at me and it’s almost been half a year or so. I’ve accustomed to the place and I am aware of every nook and corner of the mansion. What I am not sure about is myself. I don’t understand what I am doing here or how I got here.

Here as in, not the mansion but the situation I actually am. I am an orphan and no one’s ever known who made me one too. It was just disturbing as now I have grown up to see how much the loneliness may affect you. I needed to know certain things and only a certain person can answer that.

‘I’ll just meet Sister Benn and come on over to play.’

Sister Benn was like our godmother. She is the one holding all of us together. There are other people working around but it is not as sincere or full of concern as she does it. She is the only person who speaks to me, or spoke to me before the boys, but she will always be the one to whom I can confine to. She was the one who raised me and taught me whatever values I follow today and if someone knew something about me, it must be her. At least that was what I believed up until the moment I walked up to our small church.

I walked in slowly only to surprise Sister Benn who was just done praying.

‘Oh my dear Ayu…what brings you here now?’ her voice was as usual excited and cheery as always. It seemed like she was never been in sorrow.

‘Can we talk?’ I was biting on my words as I spoke. I didn’t want to be disturbed by the question I was going to ask as it was something that might as well as hurt me.

‘Sure dear…anything.’ Now her voice fluttered a little. It was as if she knew what I was going to ask her.

I took a deep breath and I knew that I was going to regret asking this question but I had to.

‘Do you know who left me here? Or at least know why?’

Sister was out of words for the first time I’ve seen her in all these years. She wasn’t lost for it, just confused which ones to use and which ones she shouldn’t or needn’t use so that this doesn’t hurt. She made me sit and she joined me too. The ambience was soothing and calm and there was no other better place to absorb all the disappointment. After prior thought and caution, Sister finally spoke out.

‘If I knew who left you here, I wouldn’t have let them do so. How would I know why if I don’t know who did this?’ her answers were very precise and exactly what my questions demanded. However, as anticipated, the answer hurt me.

Tears escaped my eyes before I knew it and surely did scare Sister Benn completely.

‘Oh my dear…Don’t you cry. Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this….’

‘I’m not done yet!’ I yelled over the tears I was fighting and she could do nothing but oblige.

She relaxed her position and then put her arms around me as she continued to listen to my questions.

‘Do you think that they left me here because they thought I was a burden?’ I was speaking but I could barely hear myself. Somehow, she did.

‘Oh Ayu…no one thinks you are one. I strongly believe that there must’ve been some reason for your parents to leave you here. You are not to blame for this cruel or desperate act.’ She was patient and her voice, as usual, was comforting. It only made it worse for me as I couldn’t understand why my parents couldn’t show me the care she was able to show me.

‘Why are my parents cruel then? Or desperate for argument case…’ I was sounding a little firm now from all the anger that I was feeling at their thought.

‘I don’t think that your parents are cruel, Ayu.’ She knew that I was this close to fouling at them and she wanted to make sure that I didn’t do that sin. ‘Your parents must’ve loved you so much. That is why they left you with me, so that I can do what they weren’t able to. If they were cruel, they could’ve easily killed you.’

‘I would’ve loved the second option to have happened. Life for me isn’t as easy as they wanted or wished it’ll be for me. No one even speaks to me or wants to be my friend.’ My tears were subsiding and I’m sure she thought that this was the right time to console me.

‘I beg to differ there. I see you’ve moved in with the Harrow boys. Rocky sure seems to care about you. He talks to me about you all the time.’ She was all cheery again but somewhere I still wasn’t convinced.

‘If I hadn’t cried for his grandfather, I don’t think he would’ve even noticed me. I would’ve been one of the many people who laid a rose upon his grandfather’s coffin.’ Suddenly, out of the blue, I let this statement out. It was then I realized that maybe this was what I really felt and why I was isolated all the time.

‘Is that really what you think?’ looks like even Sister was completely surprised as I was about my thought.

‘Isn’t that what it looks like?’ I couldn’t help but cry again as I spoke. The only relation I thought was going to be true in my life, might not actually be.

Sister was now lost and I concluded that because she took her hand off my shoulder. I succumbed more into my tears as she moved away from me. For a moment I thought that she was going to leave me there, but she had just moved to sit in front of me. She held my face and pulled it up. She was smiling at me which made me wonder what she found so humorous about what I was feeling.

‘So what?’ she asked me with the widest smile possible. ‘So what if that is the reason? These are the unexplainable actions that rule our life. This one kind action that you did earned you a friend. A trusty soul that cares for you just because you cared about something or someone in this case, he loved. This is what we call fate, honey. This is how life works. Everything happens for a reason and it always turns out to be a good one.’

I couldn’t speak another word. My tears stopped almost instantly, like someone had closed the running tap. The words she spoke were still echoing in my ear and I didn’t know what else to say anymore.

‘Fate…’ I dragged that one word again slowly, trying to finally convince myself that maybe that was the reason.

‘Now if your doubts have been cleared…go out and play like a normal kid!’ she was laughing now and I kind of felt guilty.

‘Do you know why all of a sudden I asked these questions to you?’ I just wanted to make sure that I had a reason for my actions.

‘Of course, I do. I remember it well, Ayu. Now go! It’s alright.’ She sent me off with her trade mark smile.

Walking out to the ground where all the kids were playing, my head was a little bit relaxed than what I was in the morning. Somehow the questions had vanished in spite of them being unanswered. I was smiling now, without my knowledge, and I kind of liked it. I was finally getting a taste of what people called happiness. Maybe this was all supposed to happen. I mean what could possibly be so harmful for the boys just because they became friends with me.

As I was walking on, I spotted Sean and Rocky throwing the Frisbee around with two more boys. Rocky almost instantly noticed me the same time I noticed him. He waved at me and smiled like he’d seen me after years or something. He spoke something to one of the boys and then started to run towards me. That is when, something really unexpected happened.

‘Do you know who that is?’ one guy, adjacent to the way I was walking, started to talk loudly pointing at me. I froze at the place, just curious to listen to what they were talking.

‘I am not sure I’ve seen her.’ The other guy replied sincerely. I knew the taller one who spoke first was trying to stir up something.

The tall one looked like he was twelve and his pal looked like my age. They didn’t look like any other kid around but like the bully ones they show on TV. I knew that this was not going to be good but I kept standing, staring at him. I noticed Rocky stopping half way there finding my stopping to be weird. He was now looking and listening to whatever they were talking.

  

‘Exactly my point, bro. She is a ‘nobody’. No one even knew she existed…but now she acts like she is the first lady of this place.’

‘What are you talking about?’ the other was just pulling up the rage quotient of mine.

‘Yeah dude…she was so smart, she hooked up with the Harrow boys. Now she is living with them in their gigantic home and eating all the sweetness of life till it comes out through her pie hole.’

My fists were balled up and my heart was beating like hell. It was thumping against my chest and one more word out of that boy, he’d be sorry he spoke. I’d deck him at least once before he pushes me down.

‘Isn’t that kinda cheap bro?’ the short one spoke like he was actually listening to it all sincerely. The sarcasm they found amusing was just driving me crazy.

‘Cheap…I have words that are ‘parental advisory content’ worth bro!’

That was it. He was going to eat it from me. With my fists now firm I took one step closer to tall, annoying boy. Before I could make another move, a whoosh of air just went past me and before I could realize, Rocky had just jumped on the boy, pushing him onto the ground.

‘You do not talk like that to my friend!!!’ he kept yelling this as he punched the tall kid multiple times, like he was the macho man or something.

It wasn’t long before the other twelve year and taller boys pulled away Rocky. They almost instantly carried him and threw him off on the other side. With a huge thud, Rocky fell onto the other side. I immediately rushed onto his side, to reach exactly at the right time to catch his head from hitting the ground. His leg was badly bruised and it was bleeding. Before I could react to him, the other twelve year old guys came towards us.

‘You stay away from him, you dicks!’ I was swearing and hitting those overgrown guys at the same time and I wasn’t slowing down. I was full on charged up with adrenaline and I was not however, doing a great job. One of the guys held my hair and slapped me. I fell down with so much force, if I hadn’t put my hands before me, my head would’ve just hit the ground letting me to bleed.

‘SEAN!!! SEAN! …HELP US…COME HERE!!! ’ Rocky was screaming with all the pain he was feeling. Sean noticed us being pounded and came running towards us. I saw him coming and that was the last thing I remembered. The darkness suddenly took over me and I collapsed into a deep trance.

When I woke up I found myself in my room and it was dark. Probably it was evening out there. I cannot believe I passed out again. I must be very weak as Rocky repeatedly keeps telling me. Rocky…Rocky…oh my god. I hope he is okay. Just as my head throbbed at the thought, I heard some voices.

‘I am really fine, Sean! I can walk on my own, let me go.’ Rocky’s voice sounded fine and it was more than a relief for me.

‘Don’t you act like a big guy! You just got pushed and pulled like a sack. You’re not strong yet, little bro!’ Deke’s voice was hinting every bit of disappointed he owned.

‘What are you talking about Deke? He was a grown man out there today. He just acted like a hero.’ Sean was as usual supporting his little brother.

‘Hero? Oh yeah…the chivalrous gentleman. I’m just saying she wasn’t worth it.’

‘She was worth every drop of my blood that was spilt.’ Rocky’s voice was so firm that it made my stomach twisted.

‘Alright…don’t go all ‘literature’ on me. I am going to puke.’ Immediately after Deke’s words, I heard loud footsteps. Probably Deke was storming off…once again.

‘Sean…do you mind if I check on her and then come for dinner?’

‘Sure bro…wake her up. She needs to eat too. I’ll go fix it up.’

Now my head was spinning. I was going to see Rocky hurt and it was all because of me. I am after all nothing but trouble for the boys. As I lay there thinking about this, he walked in. He was limping and a huge white bandage was wrapped all around from his knee to mid way down the leg. He was holding it with one hand as he walked in. Aimlessly and almost automatically, I sat up on my bed, watching him walk in like that.

‘Hey…you’re up!’ he was more than relieved to see me up. I was on the complete contrary side of the feeling.

‘Your leg…’ it was all that I could manage as my eyes were fixed onto them.

‘Oh please…its fine…Just a bruise. The doctor put these bandages around so that I won’t get any infection on it. No worries…’ he was constantly maintaining a smile but I could see it in his eyes that he was feeling a lot of pain.

‘I am sorry…’ I dragged under my breath. I knew that my apology wasn’t worth it all but it was all that I can give him.

‘What are you apologizing for? Those guys had it coming for them. If I hadn’t hit them, I’m sure you would’ve. You were all ready and set. I saw you.’

‘Then you could’ve let me handle it, right?’

‘How could I let you get injured? You passed out just for a slap. You are weak and you need to eat properly. Besides, when I am there, I won’t let you do the dirty work. I’ll defend you.’

The last few lines put nothing but a smile on my face. We both were just ten years old and we were having a conversation that I have seen in movies where people are grown up and at least 20 years old.

‘What are you smiling about?’ he got curious but I shook my head telling it was nothing.

‘Are you okay with me asking a few questions?’ Rocky’s sudden rebound caught me off guard. It sounded exactly like how I went on to Sister Benn about my doubts.

‘Uh…’ I was suddenly at a loss of words and only sounds came out of my mouth.

‘I’ll take that as a yes. I heard from Sister Benn you had a few questions…’ I totally forgot that Sister Benn would’ve been there when the first aid was happening. She is much more close to him than me.

But unusually, I wasn’t scared. I started to speak about it.

‘Yes I did. It is natural for me to have doubts…’ my voice was firm and I was serious. It probably wasn’t the reaction he was expecting from me but he carried on anyway.

‘So is it really how you feel about me? Or on a larger scale…us?

  ‘To be honest…that was my thought until this morning. Now I have no doubts about you…all my doubts are only about me.’

He was now confused and he showed it on his face. He was now not on the track he thought he’d be going but on mine without his knowledge.

‘You doubt yourself? How is that possible? Why would you do that?’ he was agitated and I didn’t know why.

‘Of course I doubt myself. Right now, I doubt if I should even be here. I just proved to myself that I am nothing but trouble to you. I am weak and I am helpless and everyone around me gets hurt.’ I put my head down when I mentioned the last line. I was indeed ashamed to be here.

A deep breath echoed next to me and Rocky was not expecting this for sure. He was fazed by my conclusion and I am sure he did not want me to think like this any day. Though this was his feeling, he slowly came closer and held my hand. I was not expecting this but he did so and he had more to say than do.

‘You think you are a trouble to us?’ he asked me with his eyes waiting for an answer. I nodded slowly and unusually he smiled. ‘So what if you are a trouble? You are someone who is worth it...At least for me. I will not be taken aback or put down by the possible problem that comes our way. Friends stand through all of these issues and I am a good friend, or so I’ve been told.’

How is it that both Sister Benn and Rocky can share this ‘So what’ attitude and that too with me?

‘Why am I so easy to be accepted by you people? I am not the most visible person in this face of the Earth and you saw how the guys behaved today. They don’t give a damn about me. I don’t understand why you do…’ I faded out as I spoke those last words.

‘I don’t understand why you give a damn about the people who don’t look at you and not even bother about the people who got bruised for you.’

The last line killed me and that was it. My doubts were put aside and Rocky’s hurt face filled my head. I did not just hurt the one person that actually cared about me. Maybe it was fate, after all, that brought us together and who am I to blame anything for that matter? I now moved a little closer and lifted up his head that was down now. I held it up so that our eyes would meet and then I spoke.

‘I am sorry about all of this but I do need some time to settle down. Is that alright?’

He flashed a feeble smile and replied ‘Anything you want, you can take it. Just don’t act like you are nothing, okay?’

I smiled back and nodded my head in approval. He finally extended his smile which was more than just a relief to me. But it seemed like he wasn’t done yet.

‘Why did you choose today to act like this? I mean, you’ve been around here for a long time and it is not like you didn’t think about this at all. Is there any particular reason?’

The one difference between Sister Benn and him; he didn’t know the reason for my action.

‘It was this day, ten years back, my parents chose to dump me here and escape their responsibility. Every year I think about it but this year, after gaining friends, I just realized I don’t have a lot of things, for instance, a past, an aim, a birthday…’ but suddenly Rocky interrupted me.

‘Wait a minute, you don’t have a birthday?’ he sounded genuinely shocked.

‘Of course I don’t have a birthday. I’m an orphan, Rocky.’ I was confused by his question.

‘I know that but didn’t you even bother to assume one?’

‘For what joy? I don’t think my birth is worth celebrating. Besides, with whom do you expect me to celebrate it?’

He was a little disturbed by the fact that I wasn’t very much happy about my existence. He clearly didn’t want me speaking like this but I couldn’t help it. It was the only thought that I’ve always dwelled upon. After much thinking, he finally spoke.

‘Alright…now that you have friends and that you thought about your birth today…also we still have six more hours left in this day, I am declaring that March 1^st will be your birthday from now on. What say?’

I was bewildered and surprised at the same time. I didn’t expect him to actually declare today would be my birthday. But somewhere down within me, I loved the idea. A wide smile just replaced my frown and Rocky was nothing but glad to see me like that.

‘Happy Birthday, Ayu!’ he said, still holding my hand as firmly as possible.

It was right then, a knock on my door, brought me back to the reality. I immediately closed my journal and snuck it inside my bag before I responded to the knock.

‘Come in…’ I called back. We all returned back to our apartment now and the guys chose to sleep in the living room, giving me my room for my privacy. It was a little late and the guys were already down, sleeping when I locked myself inside the room. I was now wondering who would be knocking on my door. One thing was for sure…it will not be Deke.

And I was right…it was Rocky.

He was leaning on the side of the door as he stepped in opening it. He was now wearing a white shirt, his slacks pulled up to his elbow and a black jean that complemented it. I couldn’t help but exhale a deep breath and try to calm my thumping heart. For some reason, in spite of his stitches on his neck and the bruises on his face, he looked angelic to me.

‘Shall I join you?’ his voice was as soothing as ever and I was smiling already, without any aim.

‘I thought you had slept…’ I dragged as he pulled up a chair and sat next to my bed.

‘I can’t miss such an important day in your life by sleeping the remaining hours off, can I?’ he immediately slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, folded into four, as neatly as possible. ‘Happy Birthday, Ayu…’ he whispered as he held it out.

Now my heart was beating even more and my smile was growing wider by the minute. I have not felt this way in, I don’t know, probably nine years. I slowly took the paper from him and opened it. There was a small eight line poem reflecting what I had actually thought on this day.

Another dawn has come upon

And the light is shining just for you

The instance and the sight I’d treasure

For I am the only one who knew

What you felt and how you overcame

As you had no other reason to blame

Now smile on till your lips would pain

As today, you are treated as nothing but a gain.

‘Sorry, it’s a little immature. It was meant to be better but I was losing hours. I would’ve written a song if I had the time. I just wrote it now and I was…’ and right there I interrupted him.

‘It’s beautiful…’ I whispered back. ‘I can’t believe you remembered…’

‘How will I forget this? I created it…’ he was now smiling, looking into my eyes. I just felt like the sun was actually shining next to me.

‘I love it…’ I said and I held it close to my heart. Just then, I decided to tell him something and still don’t know why I did so. ‘However, I am still a trouble to you…’

‘And still…I don’t care…’he winked at me and got up to leave. ‘Good night, Ayu. Sweet dreams to you.’ And so he left.

I sat there thinking about what he said and I was just scared about his ignorance.

‘Will you still not care when you’d actually know?’ a question that is still unanswered within me.