Chapter Twenty One

‘If you ever feel like you are in a sad situation, think about me. I’ve been in worse…’

When Ayu told me this, I was barely able to relate it anything that I have seen in her life. At least in the three years that I've known her. Or should I say in the three years that I've known what she let me know? I was her best friend…I still am. What I didn’t know was that her life had much more than just me and my silliness.

Mia Sanders is my name and I am twenty two years old.

Honestly, this is all I know about myself. This is all I can make up in my mind when I have to talk about myself to anyone for that matter. In spite of this major flaw, I act. I act like I know everything that is happening around me and that I am in full control of my life. I've acted so much that I've forgotten what was real and what my screwed up world was. Now, I've had my wake up call. I had to realize the difference by understanding that my best friend was living a lie worse than me.

When she walked into Kelly’s bar three years ago, she looked worn out completely. It was in a literal sense too. She came up to Kelly, asked for some food and told her that she’d make it up by working some odd job around here as she had no money on her. I don’t know what she told convinced my sister but she went a step higher and offered her a job.

‘Don’t kid around, Kelly!’ I remember stating the obvious to my sister. ‘She looks too shady. We cannot let her lurk around here, let alone working here. She seems a little scary.’

I was scared, at least back then. I was sure that she wasn’t the normal kind who’d walk in to a bar asking for food. She seemed shady. She did. Though I looked at her that way, my sister had other views.

‘Come on, Mia.’ She’d told me. ‘Look at her…she seems beat. She is shady because she is desperate right now. Look into her eyes, she’s harmless.’

I wasn’t convinced. I still didn’t argue with my sister. It’s her bar, it’s her employee! I don’t care, I remember thinking. I was there, watching her feed the stranger before properly giving her a job. What I saw after Kelly handed the plate of burger to the stranger, I was startled.

She was gobbling up the food like it’s the last time she’ll ever be eating in her entire life. To the contrary, it was actually because she hadn’t seen any food in her life for a long time. She was sucking the straw that was in the soda so much that she occasionally chocked. I felt pity. More than that…I was curious now.

Once she was finished, I walked up to her with a box of tissues in my hand. She had to clean up. The way she ate was barbaric. She had her hair falling down and covering almost every inch of her face. I wondered how Kelly got to see her eyes in the midst of such a grizzly mess. Still, the curiosity was immense and there was a stir inside me, to know how she really was.

As I handed her the box, she looked up. Her hair was away for a moment and through her small, crooked glasses, I saw it. Her eyes were sparkling under the faint light that came from the bulbs above us and at that moment I understood what Kelly had meant. She was harmless and she was equally helpless. She seemed innocent and also like she needed someone to care for her now. A sudden urge took over me and my heart was already firm on the decision. I knew for sure that she needed a friend and I decided that I was going to be that.

‘You look like you could use some rest…’ I’d began ‘…I can help you with that. My name’s Mia.’ And I held my hand out.

‘I... I am ay…Ayu.’ She declared with a faint stutter at the mention of her name.

Her name had been Aysha. Aysha was the name that everyone else knew. Everyone else she needed to escape from knew. She’d always been Ayu to all her loved ones. She’d stuttered in the beginning, wondering if she needed to disclose a part of her past to us, which now I know why. Then again, she’d gone against the disclosure and included us in the list of people who knew her for being Ayu than Aysha.

Aysha had gone through hell. I found it out the hard way. When she handed over her journal to me and told me to read it and that I’ll get the truth in the end, I was feeling nothing but intrigued. I had run right outside, taken my car to the freeway and had started to read. Only God knows how the time had passed but it was already dark when I came half way through the book. I had literally chocked on my own tears when I’d come across what Deke had just read. She had been turned into a murderer by circumstances so gory, that details were begging to be ignored. She had gone through hell in about twenty minutes and that had changed her life completely ever since.

I could feel the tears slowly trickling down my cheeks as Deke took a beat to breath. He’d been reading it all aloud and I could see it in his voice that he was ready for more. He’d kept reading though. He wanted to let his brothers out of their misery but giving them the truth. He took the responsibility upon himself to be the one to do so. He was acting like he was heartless.

I was almost too tempted to stop him from reading as what was about to follow this was much worse than anything that would have popped up in their imagination. They probably had an idea already but it was going to be confirmed. Then again, I knew I had to be quite. The truth has already been delayed. They deserved it more than me.

I braced myself as Deke’s voice filled the air once more as he read the events of the following day.

~*~*~*~*~*~

May 14^th, 2006

The light shined through the dirty window that completed my so called room. I was still perched in the corner of the room where I’d placed myself comfortably. I was shivering, in spite of the hot sun rays warming up the room. I knew for sure that I wasn’t shivering because I felt cold; I was shivering at the sight that was displayed before.

My masterpiece of disgust.

The body of the savage monster that tried to ruin me was now in a worse state than it had been last night. The blood was all dried out and the crimson red had become brown around him. The blood before it had dried up had flown away from him, finally leading outside. The first scream when I slit his throat had echoed all over the corridor but no one seemed to have possessed the normal differentiation capacity to tell the mutilated scream of pain apart from a scream emitted through pleasure. What the scream hadn’t been able to do, the blood had done so.

They had come running to his rescue. The door was now opened but it was all a little too late. He was dead and I was the freak now.

‘Don’t go in there. She might kill you too!’ one of them had yelled.

I still held the knife firmly in my hands. I had the best of my grips on it and even though it was hurting me, I hadn’t let go of it. It was supposed to have scared them, even though it wasn’t what I meant. I wanted every one of those sons of bitches to stay away from me. And I seemed to have done exactly that…I’d kept them away.

‘Wait till the boss gets here. He’ll deal with her.’

I heard what they were talking but I didn’t move my position or my eyes away from the dead body. The boss man was going to be here. I had done enough to bring him here. No one had expected a seventeen year old weakling to pull off such a stunt. Killing one of their men scared these little punks enough to watch their backs. I’d never thought it’ll scare the boss man itself so much that he was coming here himself.

In spite of the paralytic state that I was in, I felt my heart surge. I wasn’t sure if it was excitement or rage but I was feeling an unknown reaction happening inside me. I was in a bitter sweet condition. I get to meet the guy who deliberately changed my fate. I get to meet the guy and ask him questions whose answers had been denied to me for this long. It was a sense of relief as I get to meet the guy and probably succeed in slashing his throat before I probably go down fighting.

His death and mine, if it is a change…so be it.

   

I held onto the knife firmer as I felt the pressure build inside me. I was ready for whatever came by after this. I will not live as a killer.

I am not a killer and I will never be one without a reason.

Handcuffed in the back and held tightly by two overgrown thugs, I was being led to another place…to meet the boss.

Now these areas, these routes, I have never seen it. Hell, I didn’t even know they existed. It was like a parallel building connected by a narrow path. This path, it was dark with occasional ventilations for air to come and go. These ventilations wouldn’t be visible if not for the sunlight or the moonlight at night. I was nearing the epitome and I was feeling the adrenaline pumping already.

‘The boss is waiting for her.’ one of them announced.

This is it, I’d thought to myself. I was right there; a few steps away from what may be the best thing that I've done in my life. I was walking right into my hell and I wasn’t worried one bit.

There was a man right in front of the door, as if he was guarding it from the others. Maybe he was, after all, guarding it. If the boss was here, then he was going to be here with the best of security that there is. Now I started to think…or rather was forced to.

What if some of these guys come in between us and stop me before I get the chance to take his life away? What if I am overpowered by one of them, which is very much possible, before I could even try? What if I am not able to end this right here…right now?

Thoughts filled till the top of my head, I was led into the door that the guard now held open. My head was down, not in shame, but in anxiety. I was going to come face to face with the one person that is solely responsible for everything that has happened to me and many girls like me. I needed revenge. Was I going to get it though?

With one final breath inhaled, I raised my head to face my worst, faceless enemy only to be disappointed beyond expectations.

I was now standing in a dark room, lit by the only ventilation that was above my head, bringing in the little of the morning sun with two heavily built guys behind me and on either side of the closed door. I was facing, to my complete disbelief, nothing but the screen of a laptop that was glowing with a chair with its back to the camera. He wasn’t physically here…he was just here.

‘Son of a bitch…’ my supposed murmur wasn’t exactly one thanks to the hollowed area that was barely even occupied.

The two rowdy boys got restless but stood down when the screen showcased a lone hand shoving them back. He was watching me but he didn’t want me to see him. The rage inside me was building up so much that I didn’t know what was going to happen to me in the next minute. My heart was beating so fast that it would give any moment it wanted to. Then again, I’d thought, wouldn’t that be just comfortable?

‘Why am I a ‘son of a bitch’?’

A voice so cold, I still wonder if the computer made him sound so vicious but it sent chills down my spine. I nervously looked into the screen to face only the huge chair covering almost the whole area. I was given the chance to talk and I was standing there, searching for words.

‘What? Cat got your tongue?’ he was now laughing at me and the sarcasm was really high and obvious.

Somehow this aroused me.

‘Actually I was searching for the right words. I have to take extra care in describing a bastard like you, shouldn’t I?’

The rowdy boys were completely angry now and they were literally grunting at me. The hand, though, still held them back. I was now starting to wonder how much power this guy had around here. Then again, I was building my curiosity much. I was going die sooner than the thoughts would take to develop in my brain, thanks to my smart words.

‘So…I see you have done some horrible things to one of my boys.’ He continued ignoring the fact that I called him a bastard. ‘How do you think I will feel?’

He can’t be serious, I’d thought.

‘Your boy was going to do some very bad stuff to me. Won’t you ever think about how I may feel? Oh wait…your boys would’ve made sure that I don’t feel anything anymore right?’

Silence persisted for what seemed like a million seconds but it was barely three or four. He was taken aback by my words, he knew that this was wrong but there was a cocky attitude that he had to keep up at all times and to that…he remained sincere.

‘Okay…now I’m supposed to be the bad guy…’

‘Supposed?’ I smirked. I couldn’t help but laugh at the persistent ignorance that he held onto.

‘Look. If we are to reach a conclusion, the two of us must be in a conversation. Just you talking will not do. It will become a monologue.’

‘I am not here to have a conversation! I am here to kill!’ I still don’t know what triggered me but I yelled my heart out at the moment.

The thugs took a step back as soon as I banged the table in front of me. The screen on it rattled a little as the image now seemed clearer to me. I was too close to it that one more step would take me inside the screen itself. My breath was hard and heavy and I was waiting for his next insensible word, so that it adds fuel to the fire that was burning inside me.

But then again…he was full of surprises.

‘You want to kill?’ he asked slowly ‘How good are you at killing anyway?’

His question was unforeseen for sure but it didn’t give me the irritation that I felt for every one of his other words. It was different. It sounded almost…almost like he wanted a sincere answer.

‘I killed a person just yesterday. It was pretty easy.’ I held onto my attitude no matter what though.

‘Really? Let me see…’ he paused for a moment only to utter the next deadly words that attacked me. ‘Hey J.J. give her your knife, please.’

The guy to my right started to fluster. He was as disturbed as I was about this. He wanted me to get the knife from him? And kill whom? What was he planning?

‘Are you listening to me?’

His voice had so much command over his minions, it almost scared me. I was shaking in the inside and the guy’s sudden movement only made me jump. Before I could blink, the man was next to me, the blade glinting in my eyes, reflecting them, that which now had fear all over.

‘Take it, girl.’ He didn’t know my name and for some reason it scared me more. Probably, I’d thought that I was going to die in a place where people didn’t even know my name.

I slowly but steadily took the knife from him. I caught his eyes staring at my hands and I, for sure, intimidated him with my ‘pretend’ cool. He was surprised and so was I. I didn’t know that I was such a good actor.

‘Now that we’re set…’ he dragged his voice in the shadiest way to send chills down my spine. ‘I want to see you kill someone.’

Echoing my own breath, I stood there motionless. He must be insane, I’d thought. He can’t ask me to kill someone all of a sudden. I stood there, waiting for him to talk some smart ass lines and then maybe bored by my attitude, he’ll kill me.

I wasn’t going to kill anyone. I will not, I repeated to myself.

‘What happened to all that smart talk?’ he asked me. He was watching me after all. No matter how much I acted, my eyes would speak louder than I ever have. ‘Feeling scared or not motivated enough?’

For some reason, I didn’t drop the act. ‘No, just wondering whom I should kill. I would’ve loved to have demonstrated it with you.’ The coward who didn’t show up, I’d thought, furiously.

‘Oooh...That is just feisty.’ He was for some reason enjoying this. It only made me want to slash his throat more.

‘I knew you’d love to have done that. Hence, the no show. Your ambitions are too hot handle, you see.’

I was utterly confused. I had no idea what he was trying to do to me. If it was his way of psychologically affecting me, he was succeeding with ease. I wasn’t ready for a showdown of wits or anger anymore. He was sick and I wanted to die right then. Just as I planned to stab myself with the blade that I was holding, the final bomb hit me.

‘Alright…this is getting boring. You are disappointing me, girl. I am done with you. I’ll let my boys feel you up a little before they do…whatever it is they want to do. I was foolish enough to think that you were something that I can invest my time on. Boys, you can have her.’

Heart pounding, my blood pressure rising, I was trembling in the spot that I stood. He did not just tell them to do the one thing that I killed for, I’d thought. The two guys behind me were now rejoicing. They were laughing so loud that it immediately took me back to that dark room where one of theirs tried to waste me.

‘Are you ready, babe? The others loved to take my ride, you know.’ One of the two started to let his sarcasm flow already.

My hand instinctively gripped the knife I held. Touch me anywhere and you’re dead. My mind was firm about this and I had my eyes closed shut, looking out for the worst.

And that was when the touch came. One of them was touching me in a place that I hoped that he wouldn’t. To be more precise, he was feeling up my ass and his fingers were trying to dig deeper.

‘This is going to be fun…’ a voice spoke out and that was the last sane thing that I remember.

Gripping the blade, I turned around so fast that both the guys came close to losing their balance trying to escape a stab. The one who was touching me, however, didn’t move too far way and his hands were still open.

‘Were you the one touching me?’ I heard myself speak, in a cold voice that I never knew.

He smirked at me in a sarcastic way and answered with such cockiness ‘Yeah…so?’

And that was the last thing that he ever spoke.

With adrenaline hitting its all time high, I pounced on the guy, sending him to the ground and before he could blink again, I had stabbed him. I had stabbed him right in the heart and right after two seconds, he stopped breathing. In spite of him being already dead, I kept stabbing him again and again, twisting the knife in and out; letting all my rage out.

   ‘What do you think you are doing girl?’ the other one was yelling out in tension and without his knowledge, he was pissing me off.

‘Hey girl…I’m talking to you!’

And that was it for him!

With the rage still burning, I plucked the knife out of this guy’s heart and threw it straight at the other one. Call it a stroke of luck or just perfect aim, the knife landed right on his throat; taking him down the very instant it hit him.

‘My name is Aysha! Fear it!’ I cried out loud, standing in between two dead guys.

Breathing hard, I looked down upon my hands that were now full of blood. Illuminated by the light that was coming out of the computer screen, I resembled a perfectly crafted monster.

‘Now…I knew I wasn’t wasting my time.’

I took a couple of steps back as I got startled by the cold voice filling the room again. He hadn’t left at all. He'd put me up to this.

 ‘I knew you had it in you. You have the potential after all.’

‘What, a potential to become a monster in the end?’ now my voice was shaking. I was still looking down at my hands as I was holding back my countless tears.

‘No. A potential to be someone who will be feared, to become someone who can control the world around and to be someone who is like…me!’

‘I am nothing like you!’ I yelled out in frustration.

‘Deny all you want…Aysha!’ he stressed my name so firmly to insist that he knew it and also sighted that he knew the other side of me. ‘Under desperate circumstances, all of us are capable. Only difference we can make is to have the capability and not let us be desperate.’

‘What are you implying?’

‘I am just saying…you are special.’

I stared blankly at the computer screen that still had the back of a chair facing me. He was making no sense to me but just imply that I am a freak and a monster. I was fighting random thoughts within me at that moment and my head was spinning.

Sean, Deke…Rocky… my family, friends…

But amidst all the chaos within me, I knew one thing for sure. I knew what I had to become to end this all.

‘Remember what I told you a while ago?’ I slowly asked him ‘Why I am here?’

‘What did you say?’ he asked me back sarcastically.

‘I came here to kill…I still want to.’

‘Who are you going to kill anyway?’

‘Anyone you show me…’

‘Like…a hit girl?’

‘A killer…just be plain.’

‘Why should I take you in?’

‘You told so yourself…I am special.’

‘So…you are willing to join my side and kill?’

I took one long moment to take a deep breath.

I’m sorry, guys.

‘Yes.’